10 X 6: A "Vacation"
in Texas

By:
Natalie
Category: Humor
Rating: PG

In a small town in Texas, Doggett and Reyes are stranded, tensions are high, and John Doggett's not quite himself...

Rural Texas

6:53 p.m.

Monica Reyes was feeling truly frustrated as she walked down a sandy highway in the middle of nowhere, about five miles away from the nearest town.

The day had been bad enough to start with. Monica and her partner had traveled to Texas , to this tiny town in the middle of nowhere, to investigate a teenage girl’s belief that her brother could read her mind. As it turned out, her brother had only known her deepest, darkest thoughts because he had been reading her diary.

Monica’s day had brightened ever so slightly when a neighboring child claimed to need her to investigate his friend’s bizarre “alien disease.” In the end, however, the child had simply not known what chicken pox were, and Monica’s hopes for an interesting, challenging case were instantly shattered.

           Up to this point, she had believed the ultimate low point in her day to be when she and John had a fight about stopping for gas and directions before the long drive to the airport.Her partner had stubbornly refused to get directions, and declared that the gas tank was full enough.John’s attitude, along with the pent-up stress of the day, she had blown her top. They wound up yelling at each other for a good 10 minutes before departing from the little town without gas or directions. Monica had refused to speak to her partner for the whole ride.

John realized too late that he had taken a wrong turn and would have to backtrack a fair bit.He worried slightly if he would have enough gas to make the airport.

“Uh Monica… we’re gonna have to backtrack an eensy, tiny, very small, diminutive bit, okay?” he said, aware he was making the understatement of the year. He got absolutely no response. John spoke again after a moment.

“If I get absolutely no response from you, that means: ‘Okay,John. Sure.I love taking long scenic drives in the desert with you. I worship you John, and you are always right about everything.’”

Monica thought about this as John did a U-turn. She did not want to sink to his level, but if she didn’t... This was quite a predicament. Decisions, decisions.

“No response?Good, I’m glad you feel that way.” John said.Oh man!, Monica thought to herself, I pondered for too long. She sat and seethed for a moment, then turned on the radio in hopes some music would soothe her jangled nerves.

The only station that was no unbearably fuzzy was playing N’Sync.Agent Reyes shuddered involuntarily and quickly shut it off.

“So you want some music, huh?” John asked. All of a sudden he began singing Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer.”Unfortunately he only knew one line, so he wound up singing, “Oooooh livin’ on a prayer!” over and over and over and over and over again. Monica began banging her head against the window. It was going to be a long ride.

John, however, was having a good time at his partner’s expense. About every five minutes Agent Reyes would yell at him to shut up, and every time John would test his willpower by seeing how long he could go before he burst back into song. He soon came to the conclusion that he had very little willpower, for he could never go any longer than three minutes, and usually a lot less than that.Monica eventually resorted to turning the radio back on.Unfortunately for her, it was playing another song by Bon Jovi .

Oooh goody, I love this song!” John said happily. He began singing along. “It’s my life, and its now or never. I ain’t gonna live forever…”

Monica turned the radio up full blast to drown him out. They had listened to it that way until the car ran out of gas and they had to leave it about five kilometers away from the little town they had started at.

Monica was extremely frustrated as she walked down the sandy highway. But at least she had the satisfaction of being right about the gas and directions. They walked in silence for about three kilometers. It was about 7 p.m. -- it would get dark soon.

Monica stuck out her thumb, and a Ford passed and put on its brakes. The agents hurried towards it, but at the last moment the Ford sped away rather mischeviously. Monica stood on the burm, lost and dejected.

As it chanced, the following day, the driver of the Ford went into the hospital to have his appendix out, only due to a rather amusing mix-up, the surgeon removed his leg in error. Before the appendectomy could be rescheduled, the appendicitis complicated into an entertainingly serious case of peritonitis, and justice, in its way, was served.

Another car drove by, and Agent Reyes stuck her thumb out again, but this car just kept on driving.

“You’re such and idiot!We’ll have missed our flight by now, you jerk!” Monica shouted at Agent Doggett. She looked like she was angry enough to attempt something that could result in severe pain for her partner. John noticed this, and in an attempt to spare himself from a certain painful death, tried to cheer her up.

“It’s okay Monica, really. We can charge this to the bureau.”

“We could have charged gas to the bureau!” she replied angrily.

“Okay, okay.I know what will cheer you up!My impressions!” John said hopefully. Monica just glared at him.

“All right.This first one is of Marvin the Martian.”John said. Monica simply rolled her eyes as John went through a succession of personalities, including Yoda, George Bush, Drew Carey, Celine Dion, and many others.Monica finally had to laugh when Agent Doggett did his impression of Scully. It was just too funny to see him doing Scully’s signature raised eyebrow.

As they continued walking, Monica cheered up a little. After all, it could be worse. She could be a fugitive running from the government and stupid, evil, annoying, corrupt military officers like her friends Mulder and Scully were.

John and Monica were finally nearing the town. Just outside the town was an Indian-looking man with a stand selling jewelry. John bought Monica a necklace with a turquoise charm on it as a peace offering.

“Good choice,” the Indian said, “it will protect you from evil spirits.”

John looked skeptical, but Monica loved the necklace. He helped her put it on, and they continued walking… for about four seconds.

They heard a car barreling down the road, and watched in stunned shock as it wrapped itself to the windshield around a large tree.

“Holy crap!” John yelled, and they raced to the car. They were closer to the passenger side, and they opened the door to find a dazed but conscious young woman.

“Oh my god!He tried to kill us! My boyfriend tried to kill us!” the woman shrieked. Agent Reyes helped the distraught woman out of the car while John and the Indian went over to the passenger side. The young man had sustained many more injuries and was bleeding a lot from his forehead.The Indian man immediately got out his cell phone and called an ambulance.

**

Later that evening, the agents sat in Agent Doggetts motel room.John had just gotten off the phone.

“So what did they have to say at the bureau?” Monica asked.

“They were really mad.They said I should have stopped for gas and directions,” he replied. Monica tried, but failed to suppress a snicker.

“Sure, you laugh now, but they couldn’t reschedule our flight until next Thursday.” John said, which wiped the smile right off Agent Reyes’s face. John realized he was on his way back to the top of Monica’s list of people to ‘Replace-their-shampoo-with-Nair,-flush-the-toilet-while-they-are-showering,-reprogram-their-speed-dial-to-call-only-900-numbers,-and-leave-a-plugged-in-hairdryer-dangerously-close-to-their-full-bathtub.’

“Oh well, look on the bright side, Monica. You’re not the one who’s in deep crap with Skinner and the rest of the bureau. You should look at this as a week’s worth of vacation.” John said.Monica eventually smiled.

“Okay John.Want to take in a movie, since we’re on vacation?”

“Sure.”

**

As they walked to the theater, they passed the hospital. They vividly remembered what had happened earlier that day.

The young man had been rushed to the hospital, where his condition had worsened, he had fallen into a coma, and finally was put on life support. The young woman, Sheila, had spoken to the police for what seemed like ages. The two agents also had spoken to the police briefly, for they were witnesses to the accident.

What basically had happened was that Sheila had been trying to break up with the young man, Brandon.He had gotten very upset and said he was going to kill them both. Next thing they knew, the car was destroyed and Brandon was dying.

Both agents tried not to dwell on the upsetting events of the day as they went to their movie, but for some reason John couldn’t put it out of his mind. In fact, he only stopped thinking about it once, and that was when Monica (who seemed to have completely forgiven him at this point) gave him a goodnight kiss before heading off to her hotel room. Other than that, however, thoughts of the accident were constantly nagging him.Unbeknownst to John, Monica was also being bombarded with thoughts of the accident.

**

Brandon awoke that night, although his body was still in a coma. He had, however, been practicing astral projection long enough to be able to go a fairly long time without it. He immediately knew that he was in serious condition, and should probably stop using his skills for small things, and focus on the big ones from now on.

First of all, he wanted to get some revenge. Sheila had broken his heart, and now she had to pay. He went to her apartment, but realized that without a body he really couldn’t do her much harm.

His own was too weak, and he needed to use someone else’s. Someone who could have easy access to her whenever necessary… Unfortunately, she had only recently moved to this town, and really didn’t know too many people.She wasn’t a very trusting person either.

He eventually narrowed it down to a figure of authority. A police officer, maybe… or an F.B.I. agent…

**

The next morning, Agent Reyes woke up at around 7. As she brushed her hair, she felt the sudden fright of seeing the man who was in the car accident pop up behind her in the mirror. She slowly turned around, but there was no one to be seen. She looked back at the mirror, but Brandon was still there.

She anxiously grabbed the necklace that John had given her and put it on, and then quickly turned around again, to see that the room was empty, aside from her.She looked back in the mirror, and to her relief, the man had gone.

She quickly walked over to her partner’s room and knocked on the door. She wanted to tell him about her strange experience this morning, and get his angle on it.John, however, had quickly adjusted to the idea that this was a vacation, and Monica couldn’t rouse him.She decided to go for a walk to clear her head, and tell him later.

John woke up at around 11, ordered up some breakfast, and commenced to channel surf between countless talk shows. When he had finally finished his food, and got tired of the talk shows, he wandered into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Like every other morning, he began brushing, but unlike every other morning, Brandon popped up in his mirror.

“AAHHHHH!” John yelped, and turned around. Nobody was in the bathroom, so he ran to the bedroom. After a thorough inspection, John decided that the guy must have been a figment of his imagination. He went into the bathroom, and resumed brushing, but he could still see Brandon in his mirror.

“You’re not real, you’re a figment of my imagination. Therefore I command you to go away. AWAY!,” John said, trying to convince himself.

Unfortunately for Agent Doggett, Brandon did not go away. John could see in the mirror that Brandon was coming towards him. Suddenly, he got the weirdest sensation, almost as though he were being pushed out of his body.He struggled for a moment, but soon, to his dismay, he was out. He sort of hovered for a moment.

I must be dead or something, he thought to himself. Soon, however, he noticed that his body was still moving. It had a new occupant.It eventually dawned on Agent Doggett that Brandon must be inside his body. He tried unsuccessfully for a moment to push back inside his body, but soon realized that it was hopeless. Brandon was too strong.He decided that he should warn Monica.

As he stepped out of the room, he noticed Monica at the end of the hall, coming towards him.During her walk, she had stumbled upon a cute little Internet café, and was only just returning. John ran up to her.

“Monica!You won’t believe--” he said, but stopped, for she had walked right past him. Talk about rude.He grabbed her shoulder, but got absolutely no response.It was even worse than the car ride yesterday.

I must be sort of like a ghost, he thought to himself. His partner walked up to his door, and he could only watch helplessly as Brandon/John invited her in.

“John!You won’t believe what happened to me this morning!”Monica said, and commenced to tell him about her weird experience with Brandon. After she had finished, he paused a moment.

“So you’re saying some guy in a coma was in your room this morning??” Brandon / John asked skeptically.

“Yes.Maybe it was his ghost…or some sort of out-of-body thing.” she replied.

“Yeah, right.That’s impossible,” he said firmly.Agent Reyes could tell by his tone that the subject was closed. She was kind of surprised, and she had a feeling that something was not quite right with her partner today.She brushed it aside.

“Well, its getting kind of close to lunch, so why don’t we grab a bite to eat?” she said, “Then afterwards we could stop a this neat CD store I found. You could even get a Bon Jovi CD.”

“Nah… I hate Bon Jovi.”

**

For more on astral projection, see Astral Signposts: The Stages of Astral Projection

They went into the closest restaurant to the hotel, and sat down. They ordered their food, and
Monica observed the décor as she waited to be served. She came the realization that the interior decorator must have been an angry person, and had used this place to vent their feelings. The dark yellow tiles looked as though they had congealed on the wall.

Their food arrived, and it was almost as bad as the restaurants appearance. Less appetizing meals have been seen, but not by reliable witnesses. Monica delicately picked at her food, while Brandon / John chowed down.Eventually he stopped eating long enough to comment on her necklace.

“Monica, you should really lose the necklace.”

“Why?You liked it yesterday,” she asked, surprised.

“I don’t know… it’s just freaking me out. You should get rid of it,” he replied.

“No!” she said defiantly, and they lapsed into silence for a while. After a couple minutes, she noticed a guy with dreadlocks a couple of tables away was staring at her.

“John, that guy is staring at me!” she whispered.

“Oh Monica, don’t worry.He’s not staring at you… he’s blind.” Her partner replied. She looked back at the guy, and saw no evidence of a white cane. She briefly wondered how her partner had known. Brandon / John continued.

“You know, you should really be more trusting. I mean, first you tell me a guy on life support was in you hotel room, and now a blind guy is staring at you?! What is with you?You have to learn to trust people” he exclaimed.

“In the X-files, one of the main rules is ‘trust no one, ’” she countered angrily. “You of all people should know that!”

**

After they finished eating, they headed down to the CD store. To Agent Reyes’ surprise, her partner purchased an Eminem CD.There was something very strange going on with him, she decided.After they left the store, he abruptly headed off in the opposite direction from their hotel.

“Hey John, wait up!Where the heck are you going?” she yelled, and ran to catch up with him.

“To go talk to Sheila.” He replied evenly.

“What?Sheila who?”

“Sheila from the car accident.”

“Why?What’s going on here, John?” she asked, confused.Brandon / John gave no reply, but kept walking quickly. Agent Reyes almost had to run to keep up with him.

Soon they neared a classy looking apartment near the end of the town.

“Well, here we are.” Brandon / John said.

“Wait a sec, John,” Monica said. “How the heck did you know where Sheila lives?”

“I uhh… heard her telling the cops last night…” he mumbled.

“John, I’m going to ask you one more time…” Agent Reyes said, trying to keep her cool.He smiled in a really irritating way.

“Yes?”

“WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!” she yelled.

“I’ll tell you later.” He said calmly, and headed into the building.

**

Agent Reyes was very confused, and many thoughts were whizzing through her head.To give you a better understanding, we are now going to step into her mind:

Ugh… I shouldn’t be made to walk that fast after eating that disgusting pasta… what the heck is wrong with my John anyway? Heeheehee , that guy across the street can’t seem to work the newspaper machine…

Things that are wrong with my partner today:

1) He now says that he hates Bon Jovi.

2) He wants me to get rid of the necklace he bought me.

3) He knew that the guy in the restaurant was blind.

4) He bought an Eminem CD.

5) He needs to talk to that Sheila woman for some reason.

6) He knew where Sheila lives.

Monica realized her partner had already entered the building, while she had been lost in thought.She quickly raced inside, and noticed him near the end of the lobby.

Along one wall of the lobby was a large mirror. Had she bothered to look in it, Agent Reyes would have noticed that not only was she following ‘John’, but the real Agent Doggett was also following her. Unfortunately, she didn’t bother to look at it as she headed after her partner to a nearby ground floor apartment.

John knocked on the door, and Sheila answered momentarily.

“Hi, I’m John Doggett, special agent with the FBI, and this is my partner, Monica Reyes.We’re here to ask you a few questions about the events of last night,” Brandon / John said.

Uhh… okay. C’mon in,” she said, and they followed her into a comfortable little apartment. They sat down on the couch, and Brandon / John began.

“Why did you dump Brandon?” he asked.

“John, she can dump him for whatever reason she wants, and it’s none of your business,” Agent Reyes hissed.

“Just let her answer,” he mumbled angrily.

“Well, at first he was great, but sometimes he got really angry at other people.He started getting into things like witchcraft, and something called astral projection. At first I put up with it, but when weird things started happening to people he didn’t like, I decided to call it off,” Sheila answered.

“He never would have hurt you!” Brandon / John said angrily.

Uhhh… he tried to kill me. Remember?!” she answered sharply.

“John, I’d like to have a word with you outside,” Agent Reyes whispered.

“That was only after you broke his heart! You should never have--” he was cut off by Monica.

“Outside! Now!” she said, and yanked him out the door. When they were outside the apartment, he glared at her.

“What?” he asked, annoyed.

“What is going on, John?Leave that poor woman alone!You’ve been acting like such a freak today!” she yelled. She then yanked off her necklace and threw it at him. It hit him square in the chest, and he staggered backwards and fell to the ground.

The real John, floating nearby, could see the charm had weakened Brandon, so he took this opportunity to jump back into his body. As this was happening, Agent Reyes happened to glance sidelong into the mirror. She turned back to her partner.

“J-John?,” she asked tentatively.

“Yes.Don’t worry, it’s me now,” he replied.All of a sudden, they heard a yell coming from the direction of Sheila’s apartment.

“Oh my god, I saw the whole thing. It was Brandon!This has gone way too far!” she said to the agents, then hurried towards the parking lot. John turned back to Monica.

“I guess this thing really does ward off evil spirits.” he said, and handed it back to her.

**

The agents headed back towards the hospital. They weren’t sure what they would do there, but something had to be done about Brandon.They were going to play it by ear.

When they go to the hospital they took an elevator to the third floor, where Brandon was being held.As they stepped off the elevator, Sheila raced into it. She forced a smile and closed the elevator. The agents walked down the hall towards Brandon’s room, but they began to think that maybe their problem had already been dealt with.

Sure enough, they heard a scream from down the hall.

“Help!Somebody pulled the plug on this man’s life support!”

They snuck a glance into the room, and sure enough, it was Brandon’s.

**

On Thursday, the agents bid farewell to the tiny town. Before they left, however, Agent Doggett exchanged his Eminem CD for one by Bon Jovi.

He also stopped for gas and directions.