I'm a mild guy, okay? I admit it. When I'm browsing for salsa,
I consult the handy and highly scientific thermometer on the label
(developed, I understand, by the crew at the Fermi Lab up Chicago way).
I just don't care to sear my tastebuds before I can sample that
first garlicky glob of guac, that initial chipful of tomato and cilantro,
that almagam of cheese and beans soon to make its Journey
of the Damned down my digestive tract. I mean, does the phrase "five-alarm"
really tempt the palate in these days of foodborne paranoia?
I thus prefer my Mexican-style restaurants plain, heavy on the portions
and light on the jalapenos. Acapulco Joe's, several blocks north of the Circle
in Indianapolis, was one of those places, authentic in a nice, unhip sort
of way, with rich, one- or two-alarm sauces, slightly sweet cornmeal, and no
blaring mariachi bands or five-alarm rushes for the water pitcher.
I haven't been back to Joe's in a decade, and Arenn's Indianapolis Dining Guide
deems the current cuisine "mediocre" - only a few degrees above Chi-Chi's.
But I hold fond memories of Joe himself (according to urban legend, an
immigrant who thought he was destined for Minneapolis) bursting into the
dining room one Saturday night, singing "God Bless America." That's the kind
of loveable, non-franchised nuttiness you just can't find outside of Chicago.
Joe, these presets are for you:
After you've finished, help yourself to my nachos recipe.
Have a nice, cool dinner mint, and download mexicfst.zip. Buenos noches, and have a safe trip home. Oh, wait a minute - I promised you that nachos recipe, didn't I?
MARTIN'S NONCHALANT NACHOS
Big bag of any good, unsalted or low-salt nacho chips (UNLESS YOU LIKE BEING BURIED UP TO YOUR NECK IN THE UTAH SALT FLATS)
Bag or two of Sargento's Five-Cheese Mexican Blend (ADD SOME EXTRA COLBY, TOO - MY FAVORITE)
Chopped tomatoes
Ground beef
Yellow bell peppers
Chorizo sausage (NOW ALMOST ANYWHERE, IN THE MEAT CASE)
Cilantro (JEEZ, NOT A TON, THOUGH)
Sour cream
Fry up the ground beef a little, with some black pepper - remember, it's going to bake, too, so don't incinerate it. Pile first layer of chips on cookie sheet or the like, then add ground beef, a soupcon of chorizo, cheese, guac, bell pepper pieces, and a few tomato pieces. DON'T PILE IT ALL ON TOP, YOU PHILISTINE, OR THE FUN'S OVER IN ABOUT 12 SECONDS. More chips, more toppings, more chips, more toppings. Bake the sucker at about 300 or so, and camp in front of the oven. We're not glazing pottery - the cheese should be melty and gooey, not fused like circuitry to a mother board. Dollop sour cream strategically but generously about surface of finished nachos, and scatter some cold tomato pieces to add texture and ambience (!?)
WHATTYA MEAN, WHERE'S THE JALAPENOS? NOT HERE, YOU FIVE-ALARMIST FREAK!!