As the new century looms and scary signs pop up
on the bottled water display at the local supermarket,
it is time for us to calmly call every hardware/software
tech number and surf every Y2K compliance site and reflect
on those original, pre-Y2K warriors: Gilligan, Skipper, the
Howells, Ginger, Mary Ann, and the Professor.
Yes, the gang from Gilligan's Island (if you're scratching
your head and mouthing "Gilligan's Island" right now,
shut down and watch some Beverly Hills 90210 on cable,
slacker). "No phones, no lights, no motor cars..."? Hmm,
sound like any end-of-the-century cyberapocalyptic media
hype we've heard lately? Yup, these savvy castaways were
Y2K-wily long before Bill Gates or Steven Jobs e-vvver
forgot to make the clocks work right. Hand them a
rock and some of those rare mineral deposits Mary Ann
found while picking berries, and the Professor solders
a nifty FM radio. A few coconuts, a fish, and voila! --
a five-star combo platter. Power grid gone out?
Put Bob Denver on the old bike-generator, and you're
all ready for a night of "Walker, Texas Ranger."
And if communications break down, don't sweat it:
Some so-so '60s pop group or mad scientist will pop
by the hut.

Now, sit right back and scan the Gilligan Y2K Contingency Plan:
1. Using the magnetized meteorite fragment you found on
the beach and microchips made from pulverized clam shells,
manufacture your own self-contained electrical system. Keep
Gilligan away from central energy core.
2. Stock food supply for at least three weeks. Salt 200 tons of
fish and dry the meat of several dozen coconuts, then store
in large hut in clearing. Then watch out to make sure Gilligan
doesn't have the munchies from inhaling the campfire
he made from that odd plant near the cave...
3. Keep shark gun nearby in case of looters or roving
bands of apocalypsts (?!?). Stock big drum of iodine
ready for when Gilligan accidentally harpoons Skipper.

OK, grab that mouse Russell Johnson
made out of an abalone and download this marine
tribute to those plucky three-hour tourists:

Download seafood.zip. TO A FLOPPY!!! QUICKLY!!!
Then prepare for a New Year's Cybertoast...