Thanksgiving Dinner

In the fall of 1621, some 50 Plymouth Pilgrim colonists and at least 90
of their Wampanoag native American neighbors sat down
to a major feast. The reportedly three-day feast, purportedly
held to celebrate the bounty of a New World, has evolved into our
annual Thanksgiving.
Over the years, Americans have contributed their own distinctive
touches to the holiday, from the indigenous turkey with dressing and
candied yam to the endless afternoon procession of "bowl games,"
so named because of the huge bowls of nacho chips, Ruffles, M&Ms,
and puffed cheese comestibles. The small but plucky Ross family
did not care for football, not a whit, so we developed our own
venerable tradition: The collective turkey-induced tryptophan coma.
Tryptophan is the compound in warm milk and turkey that causes
drowsiness, and we discovered this phenomenom just made the day
breeze by, until it was time for cold turkey sandwiches. Now that
Home Alone has become a Thanksgiving evening tradition (yeesh),
a second dose of late afternoon tryptophan helps get one through
to Dave Letterman.
If you would like to add this quaint custom to your own Thanksgiving
repertoire, follow these general steps:
1. Gather in a family circle about the table.
2. Start eating the whole bird. Without talking. Wash down
with lotsa croutons, yams, rolls, cranberry jello, and other
vegetables or whatever those are.
3. Find soft chairs, quick. Before you collapse on the carpet.
Start discussing family issues - the more trivial and droning,
the better.
4. Wear a shirt or blouse suitable for the holidays but not
made from delicate fabrics from which nap drool cannot be
successfully laundered.
5. Close your eyes. Do not resist. Resistance is futile.
(For Star Trek: Voyager links, go elsewhere, you geek!!)
6. When you awaken in the darkened living room, stretch
and smack lips quietly. The others may not have emerged.
7. When all but one of the family group has emerged, gather
about the weakest of the clan, who undoubtedly is still
sprawled in his/her chair sawing wood, and chortle quietly
until they blink awake and realize they have again
become the butt of holiday merriment (Group counseling
helped, though, thanks).
8. Ignore the uncomfortable swelling and stomach spasms
and return to the tryptophan well. After all, Macauley Caulkin
is only two hours away.

You awake? Great. Download some thanks.zip, with a little whipped cream.