Vengeance is Mine By Eric Paddon    How better to kick off our fanfictional salute to the Lieutenant than with a tip of the hat to the case that started it all: 1968's Prescription: Murder, itself the television adaptation of Levinson and Link's stage play starring Gone With The Wind's Thomas Mitchell. All the earmarks of fine Columbo already were in place: An intellectual, socially prominent individual moved to murder, in this case, the threat of divorce and almost certain financial ruin. The dramatically undramatic entrance of the dissheveled, unassuming Columbo - no match for a brilliant psychiatrist, certainly. The lieutenant's liesurely nibbling away at the perfect murder. The flash of brilliance glimpsed behind the wrinkled raincoat and the bad shave. The detective turning Dr. Ray Flemming's arrogance against him. The choice of Gene Barry to play Dr. Flemming was an ironic choice for mystery fans: He starred for three seasons in the '60s as policeman/secret agent Amos Burke, the forerunner of the Murder, She Wrote-style, star-studded whodunit. Then he starred in The Name of the Game, a Universal mini-movie of a show about the magazine business, as Glen Howard, publisher and sometimes-detective.   The following story, Vengeance is Mine explores a theme touched upon in the episodes only in Rest In Peace, Mrs. Columbo - the fate of the killer after the case is solved. In this story, written in teleplay form, we find Dr. Flemming prepared to get on with his life, a seemingly spiritually renewed man who recognizes the folly of his arrogance and the tragedy it has wrought. But Flemming's best-laid plans go awry, and it's once again up to the good lieutenant to sort out the truth. Eric Paddon teaches history at Illinois' Wheaton College, and has written a number of Battlestar Galactica fanfics, including a 450-page crossover with the "Planet Of The Apes" universe.

SCENE ONE: [The set of the 700 Club TV show]
 BEN KINCHLOW: And welcome back to this
special edition of the 700 Club, originating this week from Los Angeles.
Tonight, we have two very special guests with a remarkable story
that began 25 years ago with betrayal and murder, and which has
today become a tale of redemption and forgiveness, as Richard Hunt
explains in this background report.
 RICHARD HUNT (V. O.  as archival footage is shown):
February 20, 1968. Los Angeles police make a startling discovery
when the body of Carol Flemming, heiress to one of the largest family
fortunes in California, is found lying on the floor of her penthouse apartment.
She has been brutally strangled to death. Police initially suspect robbery
as the motive. The apartment has been ransacked. There are signs of a
break-in on the patio deck. Valuable silverware and jewelry are missing.
[1968 photo of DR. RAY FLEMMING appears on the screen]
The police at this point, have no reason to suspect her husband, Dr.
Raymond Flemming, one of the city's most prominent psychiatrists.
Dr.  Flemming has an airtight alibi. He was on a vacation in Mexico
at the time of the murder. In addition, witnesses aboard the plane that took
him to Mexico, saw his wife board the plane with him. But just before
takeoff, Dr.  and Mrs.  Flemming began to argue violently and she proceeded
to storm off the plane, leaving her husband to take the trip alone.
[1968 footage of COLUMBO appears on screen] Within weeks though,
the community is stunned when the investigating police officer,
detective Lieutenant COLUMBO, makes this startling announcement
at a press conference.
 COLUMBO (1968 voiceover to still): Today, we have arrested Dr.
Raymond Flemming for the murder of his wife Carol. We have now
received clear evidence that Dr.  Flemming staged a phony alibi
aboard the plane to make it look as if he were out of the
country at the time his wife was murdered.
 HUNT (V. O. ): It turned out that Dr.  Flemming was having an affair
with an aspiring actress named Joan Hudson, and together they had
hatched the scheme to murder Mrs.  Flemming and divert suspicion away
from himself. As it was later established, Dr.  Flemming murdered his
wife before his departure for the airport, and then had Joan Hudson
wear a wig and one of his wife's dresses to make it look as if his
dead wife was boarding the plane with him, when in fact she had
been murdered three hours before. A phony argument was then
staged to account for the reason why his wife supposedly went back
home, while her husband had gone on to Mexico. It all seemed so perfect
. But in the end, Dr.  Flemming was done in by his partner. Joan Hudson,
whose conscience had troubled her even before the heinous crime
had been committed, decided to turn state's evidence and testify
against her lover. And with that, Raymond Flemming saw his life
change from that of a wealthy and socially prominent member of the
community to that of a convicted first-degree murderer.
 [More footage]  Dr.  Flemming was initially sentenced to death
in the gas chamber at San Quentin prison. But in 1970, the story
took on a bizarre twist when California's death penalty was briefly
outlawed.  Along with such infamous figures as Charles Manson
and Sirhan Sirhan, Dr.  Flemming's sentence was commuted
to life imprisonment. It was a turn of events that provoked outrage
from one interested
party. Carol Flemming's sister, Diane Hunter.
[Archival clip of DIANE HUNTER, appearing on the Dick Cavett
Show is seen]
 DIANE (1971, voice trembling):It is a crime against humanity that
the man who killed my sister in cold blood. A man who abused
her with adultery, who used her only to free-load off
our family fortune, and then completed the abuse with cold:
blooded murder, should find protection from the Court and be
allowed to live. Where was the protection for my sister? Ray
Flemming should die.
[Fade out and return to the studio, where KINCHLOW is seated,
 and with him are RAY and DIANE. He looks old and aged,
 dressed in a gray suit. She looks stunningly beautiful in
 a black outfit]
 KINCHLOW: Today, this terrible and tragic story has found a
happy ending of sorts. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Dr.
Raymond Flemming and his sister-in-law Diane Hunter.  [Applause]
First of all, we appreciate your both coming here to share
this story with us. Dr. Flemming, how is it that you can now
be sitting here a free man, and embracing the sister of the
woman you killed?
 RAY: Well, Ben, it's quite simple. A miracle happened to me
whileI was in prison. In 1978, I was introduced to the Word of God
for the first time in my life, and it was because of that, that
I was finally able to come to terms with the horribleness
of what I had done to Carol, and the terrible agony and torture
I had inflicted on Diane and everyone else in the Hunter family.
 It was the first step I was able to take on the road to recovery.
KINCHLOW: How did you become a Christian?
 RAY: Oh, it was through the Prison Fellowship program, headed by
the best friend I've ever known, Chaplain Jack Newton. Because
of him, I was able to see what it was that had been wrong with
my life, and had led me to commit this terrible sin against my
wife and against God.
 KINCHLOW: Well, what did you realize? What had you done
in your life that led you to so easily commit murder?
 RAY [Very reflective]: Because I was so proud, so self-assured,
so confident of my superior intellect, that I considered myself
above the laws of conventional morality. I'd become a man who
felt that to murder my wife didn't amount to a terrible crime,
but was instead a pragmatic decision. I mean, I was in this
position where I was having this affair with another woman, and
where I faced an ultimatum from Carol to end it or see myself
humiliated and bankrupted by a messy divorce. I saw murder as
a quick, painless and pragmatic way for me to get out of my
predicament, and I didn't give it a second thought. That is
the price I paid for believing myself above the sacred laws of
right and wrong. In a way, you could say I'm the worst example
of Nietzschean law and survival of the fittest run amuck. And
because of my pride, I spent twenty-four years in a cold jail
cell.
 KINCHLOW: You've written a poignant best-selling book about your
life and your experiences called Finding My Way Back, which I
must say is one my favorites.
 RAY: It was something that needed to be written. I wasn't
looking for sympathy or anything like that. I saw it more as
a catharsis. A way of letting myself open up and come to grips
with what I did.
 KINCHLOW: And then, six months ago, you were paroled
from prison after serving twenty four years of your life
sentence.
 RAY: I never expected to receive it. Even after the conversion
and the book. But apparently the Parole Board felt that I had
at last rehabilitated myself into a different man from the one
who entered that prison so long ago. And I've spent that time
since trying to carry my message to people all over the country,
particularly the youth. If they aren't taught to firmly believe in the laws
of right and wrong, then they won't have to be drug dealers
in order to one day commit murder. Look at me, I was as far
removed from the turmoil of the streets and urban decay as anyone
could get in my comfortable psychiatrist's office, and yet I still
murdered as easily as a Charles Manson.
 KINCHLOW: Let's turn to the part of the story that I really find amazing.
How did you become reconciled with Diane?
 RAY [Takes her hand.  She is smiling at him. ]:I have written letters
to this woman for years, telling her how sorry I am for the terrible thing
I did, and how I wished there was some way I could be able to
make-up for the pain and suffering I caused her family. For ten
years I never received an answer, and  that didn't surprise me.
I thought it would be asking too much to think that Diane could
ever forgive me for what I did to Carol, because she loved her
sister dearly. But just prior to my parole, she wrote back to me
for the first time and said she wanted to arrange a reconciliation.
And she's been a great source of strength to me during these last few months.
 KINCHLOW: Diane, it must have been difficult for you to do this.
As we saw in that clip, you were quite bitter when Ray's death
sentence was overturned.
 DIANE: That's true, but as I saw what Ray had done with his life
these past twenty years, I realized that it was time for me to put the
pain of the past behind me. I couldn't live my life in bitterness and
sorrow forever. I had to realize that while I can never fully forgive
Ray for what he did, I can make peace with him and realize how
much good he is trying to do with his life now, and that yes he is a different man.
 KINCHLOW: Well your story is so fascinating, I know we can talk
about it forever. And we'll be back in just a moment to hear more from Ray and Diane.

SCENE TWO: Inside DIANE's car as it moves along the Santa Monica
 Freeway. A close shot of DIANE, her white-gloved hands holding
 the wheel.
 DIANE: I think the interview should look good on TV tonight.
 [Slight pause] I'm glad I joined you for it.
 RAY [Trying to hold back the emotion he feels]: It meant a lot to me.
 DIANE [Looks at him and smiles]:Anything to help your work is fine with me.
 RAY: There's so much work I have to do in the time I have left.
[sighs] And in a way, it can never be truly finished. Nothing can
ever make up for what I did to Carol. And I have to accept that.
 DIANE: Don't dwell so much on the past. You can't changed
what happened. I'm sure that when you finally go to Heaven,
you'll see Carol again and she'll forgive you.
 RAY [Voice now a whisper of deep regret]: I hope so. I pray for that
more than anything else in the world. [Looks at her with
a choked expression] What makes me hate myself so much is that
I did love her once.
 DIANE: Quit torturing yourself, Ray.
 RAY: I can't help it. There are too many people I left scars on.
Not just you, but Joan Hudson as well. [Pauses briefly] Diane,
I hope you'll forgive me for this. I called her the
other day.
 DIANE [Looking over at him] :You did?
 RAY: I found out where she lives now. I called her and tried to
talk to her because I wanted her to know how sorry I was for
ruining her life too. In a way, she was just as much a victim
of what I did as Carol was. She never asked to be part of a
murder scheme.
 DIANE: What did she say?
 RAY [Sadly]: She hung up the instant she realized it was
me. I suppose I can't blame her. When I met her, she was a
beautiful young actress with a bright future. Because of me,
she spent five years in jail as an accessory and saw her career
ruined. Now she's just a middle-aged waitress who never had
a chance to really enjoy life. [Looks at her] It was
something I felt I had to do. I hope that doesn't offend you.
 DIANE [Smiles warmly at him]: Not only am I not offended Ray,
I insist that you try again. After all, look how long
it took for me to come around.
 RAY [Smiles weakly]:I suppose I can take some reassurance from
that. God Almighty, Diane, I can never thank you enough for
what you've done for me these last six months.
 DIANE [With empathy]: It was something I needed to do, Ray.
[She turns on the car radio]
 NEWSREADER (V. O.): KFI news time, five minutes after eight.
It has been exactly one year to the day since the infamous
killer known only as the Midnight Strangler committed
his first brutal crime. Twelve months later, this same
man is believed responsible for over six murders that have
taken place in suburban Los Angeles, all of which have repeated
the same pattern. The victims have always been upper-class
and wealthy, yet there is never any robbery. Each victim has
always been strangled from behind with a rope, and each murder
has always taken place shortly after midnight. Just how much
the police are at a dead-end in their investigation, was clear
when our reporter caught up with detective Lieutenant COLUMBO
of the Homicide Division.
 RAY [surprised]:I don't believe it.
 REPORTER #1 (V. O): Lieutenant, after one full year, are
there any promising leads at all in the Midnight Strangler murders?
 COLUMBO (V. O. ): No comment, boys. The investigations are
all ongoing, and we're doing all we can. I really don't have
anything else to say.
 REPORTER #1 (V. O. ): But Lieutenant, we've reached the first
anniversary of the Strangler's first murder.
 COLUMBO (V. O. ): Look fellas, I know you're just trying to
do your job, but we just don't have anything to help you with
at this point. Believe me, we'll let you know when there's something
new. That's all for now.  [RAY turns the radio off]
 RAY: Incredible.
 DIANE: What?
 RAY: That's the same Lieutenant Columbo who arrested me.
 DIANE: Are you sure? There are probably a lot of Columbos.
 RAY [Chuckles]: Oh no, Diane, I remember that voice. Apologetic
and humble. That's all part of the brilliant act that makes him
a truly unique individual. And that's why he was probably the only
policeman who could have nabbed me.
 DIANE: But not smart enough to nab the Midnight Strangler.
 RAY: Don't be too sure. If anyone could figure that out, COLUMBO
probably could. You know I've got a whole chapter on him in my book.
If you want to know how the mind of a great detective operates,
you should read it.
 DIANE: I'll keep that in mind.
 [Cut to an overhead shot of DIANE's car as it pulls off the
Freeway and into the suburbs. It then pulls into the driveway
of RAY's house. ]
 RAY: Well, I'll be watching the interview and see if I didn't make a fool of myself.
 DIANE: I've got an idea. Why don't I watch it with you and you'll feel better.
 RAY: You don't have to do that.
 DIANE: Nonsense.  [Unhooks her seatbelt] I insist.
 RAY: Well it's only five to nine, and the interview won't be on until eleven.
 DIANE: Then we can spend the time having a productive talk together.
 RAY: I might be bad company.  [He gets out] I was planning to
watch the game that's on at nine.
 DIANE [Takes him by the hand]:  It'll be fine. There's so much we
have to talk about. More interviews to set up, more conferences to plan. Everything.
 RAY: I suppose so. [Trailing shot of them entering the house.
 DIANE, holding her purse, enters the kitchen while RAY goes
into the den and sits down on the couch in front of his TV.
The set is a modest 19 inches and sits atop an open cabinet
where one can also see a VCR and a row of unlabeled tapes. ]
 DIANE: Can I get you a drink?
 RAY: Just water.  [Picks up a universal remote control device
and aims it at the set. We hear the sound of the TV]
 STEVE GARVEY (on TV): Hi, I'm Steve Garvey and welcome to
Baseball's Greatest Games.
 DIANE [Entering the den, carrying a full glass of water]: Here's your water.
 RAY [Takes it and smiles]: Thanks.
 DIANE [Sitting down next to him, setting her purse on the
lampstand to her left]: What is this?
 RAY: Fascinating series on Sportschannel. They repeat all the
old telecasts of the classic baseball games.
 DIANE [Amused]:You mean we're watching an old baseball game?
 RAY [Smiles without mirth]: Gives me a chance to see what I've
missed in the last twenty:six years. They tell me this one was
a real classic. Game 6 of the 1975 World Series.
 [Together, they sit and watch the action on the screen. RAY's
expression is one of intense fascination as he constantly keeps
the remote control in his right hand. DIANE's expression is
one of bemusement. ]
 DIANE: How can you watch it when you know how it comes out?
 RAY: I don't know. For some reason I think it's fascinating
to just look at things again as they were. Almost like
stepping into a time machine.
[A close shot of DIANE. She looks at her watch. It says
 9:40.  The inning ends and a commercial is now running.]
 DIANE: Do you want some more water, Ray?
 RAY [Looks up, still holding the remote]: That'd be fine.
 DIANE [Takes glass]: I won't take a minute.
[She rises from the couch, as RAY continues to stare at the
 screen. She brings the glass into the kitchen and empties
 it in the sink. She then goes over to the kitchen table
 where her purse is lying and reaches inside. A close-up
 shows her gloved hands pulling a rope out of it. She goes
 back into the den, and quietly moves behind the couch. She
 is now standing directly behind RAY, hands behind her back. ]
 DIANE: Fascinating game.
 RAY: Yes. I hear that it ends with a big home run:::
[DIANE suddenly wraps the rope around RAY's neck and begins
 to pull tight. RAY's hands jerk out and he drops the remote
 control as he gasps in agony as DIANE pulls back even
 tighter on the rope, choking the life out of him. In his
 aged condition, RAY is powerless to struggle free. ]
 DIANE [Her voice seething with venom and hate as she pulls
even tighter on the rope]: You really thought I'd fallen for
your reformed born-again crap act, did you, Ray? Well I've
never forgiven you for one moment. I've waited twenty-four
years for this and at long last you are going to pay for what you did to Carol.
 RAY [Choking, his legs flailing, he steps on the remote
control and it crunches underneath his foot]:DIANE!
 DIANE [Still seething]: How does it feel, Ray? The same way
Carol felt when you choked the life out of her? You know
what it's like don't you?
 [RAY stiffens and his body goes limp. DIANE relaxes her hold
on the rope and smiles with smug satisfaction as she comes
around to look at his dead expression of terror]
 DIANE: Welcome to Hell, Dr.  Flemming.
 [DIANE picks up his limp wrist and removes his old-style
wristwatch. She sets the time ahead to 12:11, drops it on
floor in front of him and steps on it until it crunches
under her foot. She then picks up the broken pieces of the
remote control and calmly goes back into the kitchen where
she shoves the remains of the device into her purse.
Returning to the den, she carefully places the smashed watch
in front of RAY, in the same position where the remote was,
so it will look as though he had stepped on it while
struggling in the attack. She picks up the rope and looks
around to make a thorough mental evaluation. She goes over
to turn the TV off. As she reaches for the button, she bumps
her leg against the open door under the set. ]
 DIANE [Wincing slightly]: Ow! [She grits her teeth and calmly
closes the door and then shuts the set off. She then turns
around and returns to the kitchen where she shoves the rope
in her purse and then pulls out a folded-up magazine article
that is dated seven months earlier and is entitled, "The
Patterns of the Midnight Strangler. "She calmly studies it
for more than a minute and then her eyes notice the line,
"Entry always through back door. "She goes over to the back
door and gently unlocks it. Then, she goes back into the den
and makes one last survey of the scene. She glances at her
watch which now reads 9:45. Satisfied that she has succeeded
in perfectly duplicating the techniques the Midnight
Strangler would have utilized, she throws her purse over her
shoulder and makes her way out the front exiting the front
door. She sees several joggers on the other side of the
street and quickly looks back inside]
 DIANE: Good night Ray! I'll call you tomorrow.  [Closes the
door and walks back to her car, gets in and drives away.
Cut to shot of her pulling into the driveway of her elegant
townhouse, several blocks away from RAY's house. We see her
go inside. She spends the next several minutes disposing of
the evidence. She uses a cigarette lighter to destroy the
rope, and then calmly buries the smashed remains of the
remote control in an empty cereal box in the garbage.
Cut to a shot of the clock in her living room. It says
11:35. She turns on the TV and sees the interview of
herself and RAY on the 700 Club. As the interview wraps
up, she reaches for the phone and begins dialing. There is
a brief pause. ]
 DIANE: Hello, Lloyd? It's Diane. I hope you don't mind, but
I had a feeling you might be watching the interview.
[Cut to a shot of DIANE's attorney, LLOYD MCCRACKEN who
 is sitting fully-dressed in his den]
 LLOYD: Yes, I thought it went very well.
 DIANE: Well Ray was really nervous about how he might look.
I know he'll be glad to hear that from you.
 LLOYD: Can I talk to him?
 DIANE: Oh no, I'm calling from my house. Ray wanted to watch
it alone.
 LLOYD: I see.
 DIANE: If you've got a few moments, I'd like to go over some
of the things relating to the itinerary, all the speeches and the book
tour. I know it'll be a load off his mind if I can tell him that it's
all been taken care of.
 LLOYD: No problem.
[DIANE keeps her eye on the clock as she goes into a long
 conversation with LLOYD. The camera focuses in on the
 clock which reads 11:38. After a slow dissolve, the clock
 now reads 12:30. ]
 DIANE: Oh my goodness, I didn't realize we'd gone on this
long. I think that should take care of everything Lloyd.
When I talk to Ray tomorrow, I'll let him know everything.
 LLOYD: I'll talk to you soon.
 DIANE: Goodbye. [She hangs up and quietly goes over to her
bureau where a framed photograph of her sister Carol lies
on the table. She picks it up and kisses it. ]Rest in
peace, my beloved sister.
COMMERCIAL
 
 

SCENE THREE: The street outside the front of RAY's house. It
is early morning. Two police cars are already parked in
front. Then, we see COLUMBO's ancient Puegot pull up behind
the second car. He gets out, looking groggy from a lack of
sleep. He hasn't shaved, and while he's wearing his raincoat,
he's neglected to put on his suit jacket. He makes his way up
to the front door where a PATROLMAN is standing guard.
 PATROLMAN: Sir, no one's allowed in.
 COLUMBO [Reaching inside his coat]: Lieutenant COLUMBO,
Homicide.
 PATROLMAN [Embarrassed]: Oh sorry sir, Sergeant Clay's
been waiting for you.
 COLUMBO [Fumbles and then notices he doesn't have
his suit jacket on]: Oh for...I don't have my badge with me.
 PATROLMAN: Never mind sir, come right in. [He leads COLUMBO
in to the house. Six officers are in the den examining the
crime scene. RAY's body is still lying in its original
position and COLUMBO immediately turns his head]
 COLUMBO: Oh geez.  [SERGEANT CLAY makes his way up to COLUMBO]
 CLAY: Ah, Lieutenant. I'm glad they finally got through to you,
there wasn't any answer at your house.
 COLUMBO: Yeah, well I haven't been staying at home the last
two days, I've been at a motel.
 CLAY: Something wrong sir?
 COLUMBO [Looking up at him]: Oh no, no, no nothing like that,
it's just that my wife, she's gone away for a whole week
to visit her mother, and she took the dog with her because
her mother really adores our dog, and that meant I had the
house all to myself for a week. So I figured that for a
sort of surprise I'd have the house painted while she was
gone. We got an anniversary next week and I wanna' go all
out for her. But that meant I had to spend the whole time
at a motel while they work on it.
 CLAY [Smiles thinly]: My sympathies Lieutenant. Well as you
can see, it looks as if our Midnight Strangler has struck
again. The crime repeats the pattern right down to the last
detail.
 COLUMBO: Uh huh.  [Walks toward the body] Who's our victim?
 CLAY: Dr.  Raymond Flemming. [COLUMBO stops in his tracks and
then looks at RAY's face for a moment. He then slowly
shakes his head. ]
 COLUMBO: Geez. This isn't who I think it is, is it Sergeant?
 CLAY: Yes Lieutenant. That's the same Dr. Flemming you
personally put away for murdering his wife back in '68. He
was paroled six months ago.
 COLUMBO: How do you like that... [Looks back at him] You know,
until I read his book about how he'd become religious and
all that, I'd completely forgotten about that case.  [Shakes
his head slightly as he looks down at the smashed watch in
front of RAY's feet. ]
 CLAY: The watch fixes the time of death at 12:11.
 COLUMBO [On his knees looking at it]: How did it get broken?
 CLAY: Well from what it looks like, the Strangler, as before,
came up from behind the couch and used his old technique.
Dr.  Flemming was apparently holding on to the watch and
rewinding it when the killer struck. During the struggle,
he dropped the watch and stepped on it.
 COLUMBO: Yeah, it has been stepped on. That must be it.
[Looks intently at the watch for almost a minute and
 frowns slightly. Gets up to his feet. ]All right, the
coroner's boys can take him away. Boy what a shame. All
those years in prison and when he gets out, this has to
happen to him. [As several men with a stretcher move toward
 the body, he makes his way over to the TV cabinet. He looks
 for a long minute at the TV and cable box. ]Sergeant, was
the TV on or off when the body was found?
 CLAY: Off, sir.
 COLUMBO: Yeah, that figures. Who found the body?
 CLAY: Well, the paper boy discovered the body when he came by
at 6:30, and saw the lights on and the front door unlocked. When he
saw Dr.  Flemming, he made a frantic call to us.
 COLUMBO: Uh huh.  [Still staring at the box] Sergeant, what
channel is number 50?
 CLAY [Puzzled, shrugs]: I don't know. I don't live in this
area so my channel 50 would be different.
 COLUMBO: Yeah, that's right. Gee these cable companies can
really throw you off. I remember when you just used a knob
from 2 to 13 to watch TV.
 PATROLMAN: You could always turn on the set and see which
channel it is, Lieutenant.
 COLUMBO: Huh? Oh yeah, right. [Turns it on. He sees an
infomerical for a psychic hotline and frowns] Is there a TV
guide around here?
 PATROLMAN: I think I saw one on top of the TV stand.  [COLUMBO
looks down and sees it. He picks it up and thumbs through
it and frowns again as he comes over to CLAY]
 COLUMBO:I don't get it, this can't be right.
 CLAY: What can't be right?
 COLUMBO:Well the TV guide says that Channel 50 is Sportschannel.
How come when I turn it on, I get a program pushing one of
these psychic things?
 CLAY: I don't know sir. [COLUMBO shakes his head slightly and
goes back to the unit. ]Of course, we're not even sure that
Dr.  Flemming was watching TV when he was murdered. The set
was off.
 COLUMBO [Looks back at him]: Did you find a book? A
newspaper?Anything he might have been reading?
 CLAY: No sir.
 COLUMBO: How about papers, a pencil, anything like that?
 CLAY: No.
 COLUMBO: Then he had to have been watching TV. Killer must
have turned the set off.
 CLAY: Maybe. But I doubt it means much.  [Brief pause as he
watches COLUMBO move about the room. The lieutenant opens
the cabinet and stares for a brief instant at the VCR and
row of tapes]
 COLUMBO [Hunched over]: This a VCR?
 CLAY: I think so.
 COLUMBO: They're gettin' more and more compact all the
time. You hardly ever notice they're there any more.
 CLAY [Trying to steer the conversation back]: It looks as
though everything points to the Strangler. The coroner was
here half an hour ago, and he confirmed that the
strangulation was probably done with a rope. And nothing's
been stolen either.
 COLUMBO: Yeah, I guess for now it looks like the Strangler
decided to leave us an anniversary present.  [Rubs his head]
Boy, that's all we need. Who do we get in touch with, as
far as relatives go?
 CLAY: His sister-in-law lives three blocks from here in the
townhouse on Camden. Her name's DIANE Hunter.
 COLUMBO: I guess I'd better pay her a visit.
 

SCENE FOUR: There is a knock on the door and DIANE, wearing a
violet colored silk robe walks toward the door. She opens the
door and does a slight double-take at the sight of the rumpled
and unkempt COLUMBO.
 COLUMBO: Miss Hunter?
 DIANE [Frowning]: Yes?
 COLUMBO: Miss Hunter, I'm Lieutenant COLUMBO of the LAPD. I'm
sorry I don't have my badge with me to show that to you, but
it's important that I...
 DIANE: Wait a minute, did you say COLUMBO?
 COLUMBO: Ah yes Miss Hunter, that's correct.
 DIANE: Are you the same Lieutenant COLUMBO who arrested Ray?
 COLUMBO [Holds up his hand]: Yes I am. And I'm afraid I have
some bad news about your brother-in-law.
 DIANE [Looking concerned]: What are you talking about?
 COLUMBO: I've just come from Dr. Flemming's house, Miss
Hunter. He's been found dead
 [DIANE goes ashen. She seems to stagger and COLUMBO grabs her
arm]
 COLUMBO: Here Miss, let me help you to that chair.  [Sets her
down. ]Can I get you something to drink?
 DIANE: [Takes a breath. ]No, no that's okay. Oh God, how can
this be?How could this happen?
 COLUMBO: Well, we don't have anything definite yet Miss
Hunter, but it looks as if he was murdered.
 DIANE: Murdered?
 COLUMBO: That's what it looks like. Ah, Miss Hunter I know
this won't be easy for you, but there are some questions
I'd like to ask you. You don't mind, do you?
 DIANE [Shaking her head]: No, no. Go ahead.
[COLUMBO pulls his notepad out and then goes inside his
 raincoat where he once again remembers that he only has his
 shirt on underneath. ]
 COLUMBO: Ah Miss, could I trouble you for a pencil? I forgot
mine.
 DIANE: There's one in the drawer on the phone stand.
 COLUMBO: Thanks. You know I'm learning more and more how
important my wife is to me. She's always the one reminding
me that I've forgotten my pencil, or forgotten my coat or
some other silly thing I forget in the morning. And since
she went away to visit her mother, I've got no one to remind
me about these things.
 DIANE [Looks over at him with faint amusement as she
remembers what RAY said about him last night]: Then I hope
she's back soon for your sake, Lieutenant.
 COLUMBO [Walking back toward her]: Yeah, I can hardly wait.
Now Miss Hunter, the first thing I need to know is where you were
last night at around midnight.
 DIANE: Midnight?
 COLUMBO: Yes, at the moment that's what we've established as
the time of death. 12:11. I hope you're not offended by
the question Miss Hunter, but we need to know for the sake
of bookkeeping and all that.
 DIANE: Yes, I know you're only doing your job. It's
just that... [Chokes back a sob. ]Oh God, I feel like I'm
going to be sick. Poor Ray.
 COLUMBO: Yes, I understand. I can come back later if you
like.
 DIANE: No Lieutenant, let's get it done with.  [Wipes her eyes]
I was here last night, watching the interview Ray and I did
on the 700 Club.
 COLUMBO: Oh you and he did a television interview?
 DIANE: Um yes. Um, I think you're aware of what Ray and I
have been doing since he was paroled.
 COLUMBO: Well, I haven't kept myself up to date on it, apart
from reading his book. Really great book I'll tell ya'.
But anyway, you and he did a show last night?
 DIANE: Yes, um, we finished it and got back to his house at
about nine.
 COLUMBO: Oh you were at his house when you watched the
interview?
 DIANE: Ah, no. No, I left at about nine-thirty, or it might
have been quarter of ten. The interview didn't come on
until eleven.
 COLUMBO: Eleven o'clock. [Makes another note. ]
 DIANE: Yes. Um, Ray was a little nervous about the whole
thing and wanted to watch it alone. Didn't want me hanging
over his shoulder making idle comments. That's why I left.
 COLUMBO: So you left sometime between nine:thirty and quarter
to ten.
 DIANE: Yes.
 COLUMBO: And then you came back here and watched the
interview on TV?
 DIANE: Yes, ah that ended at about eleven-thirty. And when
it was over, I called my attorney Lloyd McCracken.
 COLUMBO[Looks up from his notepad]: You called your
attorney, Miss?
 DIANE [Nods]: Yes. You see, Lloyd has been personally
arranging all the interviews and public appearances Ray
and I will be making in the next few months.
 COLUMBO: And how long did you talk to Mr. , ah, McCracken?
 DIANE: Well, we both got a little carried away with all the
details we went over. I didn't get off the phone until
12:30.
 COLUMBO: And did you call Dr. Flemming, at anytime after you
left his house?
 DIANE: No.
 COLUMBO [Writing]: Only the lawyer. Could I have his number, please?
 DIANE: Yes, it's in the little book on the stand.
 COLUMBO: All right. [Goes over to it and writes it down. ]
One other thing, Miss Hunter. You say you stayed at Dr.
Flemming's house for about a half-hour before you came back
here to your house?
 DIANE: Yes.
 COLUMBO: Well what exactly did you do while you were there?
 DIANE:[Frowns again. ]Do?
 COLUMBO: Yeah, did you just talk the whole time?
 DIANE: Well. . . actually no. Ray spent most of the time
watching a baseball game. He was still watching it
when I left.
 COLUMBO: Baseball game, Miss?
 DIANE: Yes.
 COLUMBO: Well what game was it?
 DIANE [Smiles thinly]: Lieutenant, I'm not much of a baseball fan,
and I really just can't remember. I was getting a
little bored, and when Ray made it clear that he really
wanted to stay up and watch the interview alone, I decided
to respect his wishes and leave.
 COLUMBO: Well yeah, I can understand that. Not everyone's a
baseball fan. Now me, I love it so much I go crazy when
I lose track of the standings and all that. Been that way
ever since my grandpa took me to my first game at Yankee
Stadium and Joe DiMaggio hit two home runs. [The phone
rings and DIANE goes over to answer it. ]
 DIANE: Hello? Oh yes, he's here.  [To COLUMBO. ]Lieutenant,
it's for you.
 COLUMBO: Thank you. [Takes it] Yeah? Ah huh. You're sure of
that. Okay thanks.
 DIANE: Something promising, Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO: Well I'm not sure, Miss Hunter. I was having my men
check out the program schedule on Sportschannel last night.
 DIANE: I don't understand.
 COLUMBO: Well, you see, Dr. Flemming's TV was set to Channel 50
last night, and that's Sportschannel. And what I've just
heard doesn't help me much.
 DIANE: Could you explain?
 COLUMBO: Well from what you've said, Dr. Flemming intended to
watch the interview the two of you did on the 700 Club last
night. Now that program runs from eleven to twelve?
 DIANE: Yes.
 COLUMBO: Now if Dr. Flemming watched that, then that means he
changed the channel on his set to Sportschannel at midnight,
and had to have been watching Sportschannel when he was
murdered at 12:11.
 DIANE:[Shrugs] Ray was a sports enthusiast Lieutenant. That
shouldn't be surprising.
 COLUMBO: Yeah, but the thing is, at 11:30 Sportschannel goes
off the air. That is, the sports programs end, and for the
next sixteen hours, they only run commercial shows. Hour
long shows for things like selling knives and psychic advice, and all that other kind of stuff.
 DIANE: Infomercials, I think they're called.
 COLUMBO: Yeah, and that really seems odd. I mean, why would
Dr. Flemming be watching one of those programs when he was
killed?
 DIANE [Shakes her head]: I have no idea, Lieutenant. Maybe
Ray was interested in the product.
 COLUMBO: Well in this case it wouldn't be a product. At
midnight they were running a psychic program too.
 DIANE: Are you even sure he was still watching? Wasn't the
set off?
 COLUMBO: Well as a matter of fact it was, but I have no doubt
he was watching TV when he was murdered. I mean there was
no book, no newspaper, no other reason for him to have been
sitting alone in his living room.  [Rubs his head] But it is strange
that someone as religious as Dr.  Flemming would be
watching a psychic program. That's not exactly what I'd
call a compatible mix.
 DIANE [Purses her lips and pauses slightly]: I guess not.
But is that really significant?
 COLUMBO: Right now, miss, I just don't know.
 DIANE [The emotion returns to her voice]: But how did it happen? And why?
 COLUMBO: Oh. Well, I'm afraid the cause of death was
strangulation.
 DIANE: [Mouth opens in horror] Strangled?
 COLUMBO: Yes, and this is off the record for now, but it's
possible that he was killed by the Midnight Strangler.
[DIANE drops back into the chair]
 DIANE: God, it's so horrible. How could this happen to Ray,
just when he was finally getting a chance to put his life
back together.  [Her hand goes up to her mouth] Oh God,
when I think of all the times these last twenty-five years
that I wished he was dead. And now, when I finally make
peace with him he gets murdered.
 COLUMBO [Light suddenly dawns on him]: Wait a second. That's
right. I don't know why I didn't realize it when I came in.
Your sister was Dr. Flemming's wife, wasn't she?
 DIANE: Yes. [Wipes her eyes] I'm a little surprised you
forgot about me, Lieutenant. When Ray's death sentence
was overturned, I became pretty active in a big angry
crusade on all the talk shows.
 COLUMBO: Well to be perfectly honest, Miss Hunter, once I
arrest a killer and testify at the trial, I pretty much lose
track of what happens after that. As a matter of fact,
when I gave a lecture on criminology at a college a couple
of years ago, a student asked me about the Flemming murder
case and I didn't even know what he was talking about.
 DIANE: Yes, I guess you have had a large share of murder cases
over the years.
 COLUMBO: Yeah I suppose so. But when that book of his came
out, and my wife gave me a copy for Christmas, I soon
remembered the whole thing. I tell ya, I was hoping I'd
get a chance to meet him again or something. That was a
really good book. Now I meet a lot of killers in my time who
I sometimes can't help but like because I can always sense
there's a bit of good and kindness deep inside them. When I
met him, the Doc didn't strike me as one of those kinds. But
reading about how he turned to religion and all that and how
he really wanted to accept responsibility for what he'd done.
You know you really can't help but admire something like that.
 DIANE [Wipes her eyes, trying to overcome the nausea inside she
 feels over COLUMBO's gushing remarks about Ray]: Yes.
 COLUMBO: Look, Miss Hunter, I know this has been difficult for
you and I appreciate your cooperation. Will you be
available if I need to get in touch with you again?
 DIANE [Shakes her head and smiles]: Certainly, anything I can
do to help. [Starts walking back toward the kitchen]
 COLUMBO: I'll just let myself out. [Opens the door, then
stops and turns around] Oh Miss Hunter?
 DIANE: [Startled slightly, but quickly regains composure]
Yes, Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO:There's just one more question I hope you won't
mind. You said that the only person you talked to after
you left Dr. Flemming's was your lawyer?
 DIANE: That's right.
 COLUMBO: Well, I was just wondering. You said Dr. Flemming
was feeling nervous about how the interview was going to
look on TV and didn't want you hanging around and all that.
 DIANE: Yes.
 COLUMBO: Well after you saw the interview, what made you call
your lawyer first?
 DIANE [Frowns]: I don't understand.
 COLUMBO: Well I would have figured that since you'd left Dr.
Flemming's house, knowing how nervous he was about the
interview and all that, that your first instinct might have
been to call him first. I mean, weren't you more interested
in how he felt about it instead of your lawyer?
 DIANE [Hesitates for the tiniest fraction of an instant]: Well
Lieutenant, the fact is I had every intention of calling Ray
as soon as I was done with Mr.  McCracken. But my
conversation with him went longer than I had expected, and
by the time I hung up I was tired and ready to go to bed.
I had every intention of talking to him about it this
morning.
 COLUMBO [Nodding and smiling]: Yeah, I can see that. You
sometimes plan on making a quick call and they get carried
away and all that. Thanks again Miss Hunter. I hope I
won't have to bother you anymore. [Walks out the front
door. DIANE moves into the doorway. ]
 DIANE: Lieutenant!
 COLUMBO: Yes Miss?
 DIANE: You will keep me informed, won't you?
 COLUMBO [Nods]: Absolutely. [Walks another step and looks
back again at her] Oh Miss Hunter, do you mind if I ask
you a personal question?
 DIANE [Slightly surprised]: What kind of question, Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO: Well, I couldn't help but notice that that's a very
pretty robe you've got on. My wife and I, we've got an
anniversary coming up in a couple of weeks and I know she'd
love something like that. Do you know where I could get
one for fifty dollars?
 DIANE [Smiles in amusement]: I wouldn't know Lieutenant.
This particular one cost at least three times that.
 COLUMBO: Oh really. [Rubs his head]Well that's too bad. I
guess I'll have to find something else. Good day Miss
Hunter.
 DIANE: Good day. [Shakes her head at the irony of how someone
like COLUMBO could have been the one who brought RAY to
justice. ]
COMMERCIAL
 

SCENE FIVE: LLOYD McCRACKEN's law office in downtown
Los Angeles.  DIANE is sitting in the office, wearing a chic black outfit.
 LLOYD: It's all so horrible about Ray. They're sure the
Midnight Strangler did it?
 DIANE [Sadly]: It seems like it. But why did it have to be
Ray?Oh God, I wish I'd never gotten that house for him.
He might still be alive.
 LLOYD [Sitting down and trying to sound reassuring]: Diane,
the last thing you should be doing is feeling any kind of
guilt. Now you know perfectly well that that was the only
available house in the neighborhood, and we didn't have any
choice.
 DIANE: But it was I who insisted that he get a house in my
neighborhood so we could stay close together. You remember
how he kept saying that that wasn't necessary and he would
have settled for an apartment here in the city?
 LLOYD [Slightly exasperated]: Yes, Diane, but I am not going
to let you think that you were responsible for Ray's death
just because of your generosity!
 [DIANE lowers her head and remains silent]
 LLOYD [Going back to his papers]: Now you said you wanted to
talk about whether the tour goes forward after an
appropriate waiting period.
 DIANE [Head still down]: The tour is off. Forever.
 LLOYD: Diane, before I can set the wheels in motion and undo
all these deals that have been lined up, I need to know for
certain that you aren't going to have any second thoughts
about this down the line. [She angrily rises from her chair]
 DIANE: For God's sake Lloyd, why the hell would I have any
second thoughts? Why should I have to subject myself to a
bunch of interviews after a tragedy like this? As far as
I'm concerned, screw every last one of those items on the
itinerary. Get someone else to talk about Ray's story and
all that, like maybe Chaplain Newton. The thought of me
going on those programs and making a few extra dollars by
exploiting Ray's death makes me sick.
 LLOYD [Nods slowly]: I'll make damn certain that none of
these groups try to enforce the letter of the contracts
we drew up.
 DIANE: [Sits down and sighs in relief] Thank you.  [Phone
buzzes and LLOYD picks it up]
 LLOYD: Hello? Oh, okay he can come in in a minute.  [Hangs up]
I think we'd better wrap this up DIANE, I've got a policeman
outside who wants to talk to me about the whole thing. You
don't have to stay for this.
 DIANE: Thanks. [She exits and stops in the outer office when
she sees COLUMBO sitting in one of the chairs. He has
finally gotten his suit jacket on. Upon seeing DIANE he
gets up]
 COLUMBO: Oh Miss Hunter, I didn't expect to find you here.
 DIANE: That's okay Lieutenant, I'm just wrapping up some
business here. You don't have any new information about
Ray's killer do you?
 COLUMBO: Oh no, no I'm afraid not, I'm just here because there
are some things I need to talk to Mr.  McCracken about. Oh
and by the way, I hope you don't mind, but we checked out
the time you said you left his house last night.
 DIANE: Not at all.
 COLUMBO: And you ought to know that a couple of joggers who
went by the house at nine-fifty, said that they saw you
leaving and heard you say goodbye to Dr. Flemming.
 DIANE: Did they? I don't even remember seeing them.
 COLUMBO: Well they remembered you. And that helps establish
your alibi beyond any possible doubt, even without your
phone call to Mr.  McCracken.
 DIANE: I'm glad to know that. Well, I won't be a nuisance to you any longer.
[Starts to go toward the elevator]
 COLUMBO: Oh Miss Hunter?[DIANE stops and turns around. She
is smiling with the faintest trace of annoyance]
 DIANE: Yes, Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO: There's just one other question I meant to ask you.
 DIANE [Hoping this will be brief]:Okay.
 COLUMBO: It's about the baseball game you said Dr. Flemming
was watching last night, when you stayed at his house until
nine-fifty.
 DIANE: What about it?
 COLUMBO: Well it would really help me a great deal if you
could remember whether this was a new game or an old one.
 DIANE [Frowns]: A what?
 COLUMBO: Well you see, there were only two baseball games on
television last night. One of them was the Cubs-Mets game
on the cable channel out of Chicago, and the other was a
rerun of one of those old games on Sportschannel. Game
6 of the 1975 World Series, Boston and Cincinnati. Classic
game where Carlton Fisk hit this big home run::
 DIANE [Looks at him in bemusement]: Lieutenant, I told you
I'm not a baseball fan.
 COLUMBO: Well yes, you did tell me that, but it's just that I
would think that since you stayed for half-an-hour you might
have at least been able to remember if he had said something
about whether this was an old game or not.
 DIANE [Looks up, giving the appearance of trying to think]:
Now that I think about it, it was an old game. I still
don't remember who, but. . . well yes, maybe it was 1975.
 COLUMBO: Then that would mean Dr. Flemming was watching
Sportschannel when you left at nine-fifty.
 DIANE [Shrugs]: If you say so.
 COLUMBO: I'm still left with a problem I can't figure out.
 DIANE: In what way?
 COLUMBO: If Dr. Flemming was watching Sportschannel when he
was murdered, then that means he watched the game from nine
to eleven, then switched channels to watch the interview
from eleven to twelve, and at twelve switched back to
Sportschannel and watched the psychic infomercial for eleven
minutes. Now you knowing your brother-in-law, that doesn't
seem to make any sense, does it?
 DIANE [Rolls her tongue inside her mouth]: Unless Ray was
asleep at the time of the murder.
 COLUMBO: How's that?
 DIANE: Maybe he fell asleep while finishing the game, and
that's why he never had a chance to change channels.
 COLUMBO [Rubs his head]: But if he was asleep at the time he
was killed, then how could he have been winding his watch?
 DIANE: His watch?
 COLUMBO: He stepped on his watch. That's how we know the time
of death.
 DIANE: Oh. Well that's easy. He probably woke up, saw that
he'd slept through the thing, and was readjusting his watch
just then. He probably never had a chance to change
channels or shut the thing off.
 COLUMBO [Expression slowly brightens]: Miss Hunter, you're
beautiful.
 DIANE [Faintly amused]: Thank you.
 COLUMBO: Oh well, I meant that you're beautiful in an
intellectual sense, because that's probably the right
answer and I never stopped to think about that. Of course,
you are a very beautiful woman too, don't get me wrong about
that.
 DIANE [Laughs]: Lieutenant, I know exactly what you meant.
 COLUMBO [Chuckling]: Yeah. Well, I won't bother you any
more. If there's anything else I need to ask you about,
I'll let you know.  [Disappears into LLOYD's office]
 DIANE [Sucks in her breath slightly and whispers]: I'm sure
you will.
 [Cut to LLOYD's office, where COLUMBO has already seated
himself and has his notepad out]
 COLUMBO: How long have you been Miss Hunter's attorney, Mr.
McCracken?
 LLOYD: About a year-and-a-half.
 COLUMBO: So you haven't known her too long.
 LLOYD: No I haven't. You see the Hunter family was
represented for many years by the firm of Blakely and
Korshak, but when Diane severed her association with them
after her divorce, she came over here.
 COLUMBO [Looks up]: Her divorce?
 LLOYD: Yes.
 COLUMBO: I should have figured that. She's too attractive a
woman to have never been married.
 LLOYD: I'm afraid marriage has never agreed too well with
DIANE, Lieutenant. She's been divorced twice.
 COLUMBO: Oh really?
 LLOYD: Yes, and at the second divorce hearing, her lawyers
really let her down. That's why she decided it was time
to change law firms.
 COLUMBO [Makes notation]: Uh huh.
 LLOYD: Lieutenant, is this what you came all the way down
to ask me about? I don't understand the connection with
Ray's murder.
 COLUMBO [Looks at him with surprise]: I don't think I ever
said there was a connection, did I Mr. McCracken? If I
did, I'm terribly sorry.
 LLOYD [Visibly annoyed]: Then maybe you should ask me about
some things that are connected.
 COLUMBO [Holds up a finger]: Right. Right, there are some
things about that. Starting with the phone conversation
you had with Miss Hunter at the time Dr. Flemming was
apparently murdered.
 LLOYD: Well, DIANE called and asked me what I thought of the
interview on the 700 Club, which I was watching in my den.
And then we talked for the next hour about all the other
interviews, speeches and public appearances that were lined
up for her and Ray over the next several months.
 COLUMBO: I see. [Brief pause] Mr.  McCracken, did anything
seem unusual about the conversation to you?
 LLOYD: Unusual?
 COLUMBO: Yes, did you ever at anytime feel like the
conversation was being prolonged, or anything like that?
 LLOYD [Frowns]:  No. It was a perfectly normal business
conversation. These appearances I've arranged for them
have a lot of intricate details tied up in the contracts,
and once we got to talking about them, we could have
stayed up all night.
 COLUMBO: Oh you mean all the other TV interviews and things
like that?
 LLOYD: Yes. The irony is that we talked about all that last
night, and just now she told me to get them undone. She
doesn't want anything more to do with the tour.
 COLUMBO: Oh really?
 LLOYD: Well she's so upset, can you really blame her?
 COLUMBO: I guess not. Uh, you gotta match?
 LLOYD: I don't smoke Lieutenant, and I don't keep any
because I don't want to encourage anyone else.
 COLUMBO: Yeah, that's probably the right idea. Anyway,
getting back to the phone call you had, you said it was
a normal business conversation. Does that mean you're used
to having business calls with Miss Hunter that late at
night?
 LLOYD: [Exasperated grunt]Maybe not that late, but believe
me I've had a fair share of them with her!
 COLUMBO:I see.
 LLOYD: Is there anything else you need to know about this
perfectly ordinary conversation?
 COLUMBO: Oh no, this is all very helpful. Ah, there are some
other things though that I'm sure you'd know about. Like
for instance I found in Dr.  Flemming's papers the contract
on the purchase of his house, and it says you helped him onthat.
 LLOYD: [Nodding]Yes I did.
 COLUMBO: Well Mr.  McCracken, I was wondering how it was that
Dr.  Flemming was able to buy a house right after he got out
of prison?I mean most people I know who get out of prison
don't have that kind of money.
 LLOYD: Dr.  Flemming didn't pay a cent on it, Lieutenant. It
was because of DIANE's generosity that he was able to move
in there.
 COLUMBO: You mean it was Miss Hunter who arranged for the
house?
 LLOYD: Yes. Ray was kind of embarrassed by it, because he
really didn't want her to go to that kind of trouble. But
DIANE felt that as long as the two of them were going to be
doing a lot of things together, they should live close by.
Especially since Ray wasn't eligible to drive for a whole
year after his parole. [Shakes his head slightly]As a
matter of fact, before you came in, DIANE was really upset
about how her getting the house for him might have
contributed to his death.
 COLUMBO: She mentioned that?
 LLOYD: Yes. But I kept telling her to not to carry a guilt:
trip about that. Could she have ever expected the Midnight
Strangler to strike in that part of town?
 COLUMBO [Rising]: Well that should be about it for now.
Thank you very much Mr.  McCracken. Oh, and you are
right you know.
 LLOYD: About what?
 COLUMBO: About the Midnight Strangler. [Goes to the door]
I've been investigating him for a whole year now and this
is the first time where he killed someone in this area. It's
more than ten miles outside his usual radius. And that's
really been bothering me all morning.  Goodbye Mr.  McCracken.
[Exit COLUMBO and cut to shot of a thoroughly befuddled LLOYD]
 

 SCENE SIX: Police headquarters. COLUMBO goes up the steps of the
building and is suddenly surrounded by a barrage of reporters,
thrusting microphones in his face.
REPORTER #1 [Shouting]: Lieutenant COLUMBO, is it true that
 the Midnight Strangler has struck again?
COLUMBO: No comment, boys.
REPORTER #2 [Shouting]: Is this victim the same Dr. Flemming
 you arrested back in 1968?
COLUMBO: You already know the answer to that, boys.  [Picks up
 his pace and enters the building. He goes down to the
 crime lab where CLAY is drinking a cup of coffee amidst
 several other officers and lab technicians who are at work]
CLAY: Are the vultures in full force, Lieutenant?
COLUMBO: Yeah, and that means we really gotta put our heads
 together on this one.
CLAY [Shrugs]: I'm afraid we've got nothing else, sir.
 We finished taking the statements of everyone in the
 neighborhood, and none of them saw or heard anything at
 midnight.
COLUMBO: [Looks about the table] Hmmm. Sergeant, let's have
 another look at Dr.  Flemming's watch. [CLAY takes a
 sealed bag and opens it. He puts on gloves and carefully
 removes the smashed watch, placing it on the table.
COLUMBO bends down and carefully inspects it] Hmmm.
CLAY: What?
COLUMBO: [Getting everyone's attention] Excuse me everyone.
 Could I have your attention please? [Everyone in the lab
 stops and stares at him]  Does anybody have a cheap watch
 that they don't need anymore? I could really use one for
 a test here. [There is a disbelieving silence] No, really
 fellas, I'm serious. If one of you guys will give up your
 watch, you can take thirty dollars out of petty cash for a
 new one. [Some uneasy glances are exchanged. Uneasiest of
 them all, is CLAY's. Finally, a TECHNICIAN awkwardly steps
 forward. ]
TECHNICIAN: Uh, Lieutenant, will this do? [Points to his
 watch]
COLUMBO [Beaming]: Joe, that'll be perfect. You just won
 yourself a new watch. [He takes it and eyes it carefully]
CLAY: Lieutenant, I'm afraid I don't understand what you're
 doing.
COLUMBO: I'm gonna try and duplicate what appeared to happen
 last night. Now the preliminary examination says that Dr.
 Flemming was sitting on the sofa, winding his watch when
 the killer struck. He drops the watch, and while he's
 struggling about, he steps on it, and lo and behold we
 have our one clue to the time of death. [Looks down] Now
 let's see, the floor here would be too hard. Sergeant,
bring the mat from outside the door in here. That ought to
act as a substitute for the carpet. [CLAY snaps his
fingers at a uniformed officer who opens the door and
brings the mat over to them] Okay, just set it down there.
Now I'll need to sit in this chair. [Pulls over a chair to in front of the mat,
and sits down] Now my shoes ought to be roughly the same
kind as Dr.  Flemming's, so let's see how this goes.
[COLUMBO drops the watch to the floor. For several
 seconds, he thrashes about and steps on the watch
 several times. He then stops and gets to his feet. ]
Okay, Sergeant. Have a look at it.  [CLAY picks it up and
examines it] Whatta you think?
 CLAY: Looks just as beat-up as Dr. Flemming's.
 COLUMBO: Take another look. Then take a good look at the
Doc's.
 CLAY [Carefully studies both]: Hmmm, it does look in worse
shape than the Flemming one.
 COLUMBO [Nodding]: Exactly. The Flemming watch has clearly
been stepped on, but it seems like it was stepped on with
a lot less strength than the one I stepped on. And I
wasn't even being strangled. Take a look. On his watch,
the crystal looks like its been damaged just enough in
order to get it to stop. But on this watch, you can see
that the crystal is in a lot worse shape. You figure that
his stepping on it, while he's having the life choked out
of him, is going to make the watch look a lot worse than we
found it in.
 CLAY [Looking at him with amusement]: The only thing this
line of thought can lead us to Lieutenant, is that the
watch is a plant, and the time of death is bogus. But
I'm afraid it won't wash.
 COLUMBO [Looking up]: Why not?
 CLAY: Take a look at this. [Pulls a pair of shoes out of a
box] Dr. Flemming's shoes. I had them examined to see if
they'd stepped on the watch.  [Hands them to COLUMBO who
looks at them] The examination reveals microscopic traces
of fragmented objects embedded in the sole. They're not
pebbles or rocks or anything natural, they're definitely
manufactured elements.
 COLUMBO: But nothing that small can be traced directly to the
watch.
 CLAY: True, but unless Dr. Flemming is a slovenly housekeeper
who doesn't wipe his shoes before he enters, these
particles are perfectly consistent with him stepping on the
watch.
 COLUMBO: [Looking back at him] Unless the doctor stepped on
something else.
 CLAY: We didn't find anything else in that house that was
broken, sir.
 COLUMBO: Well what about::
 CLAY [Anticipating what he's going to ask]: And as far as we
can determine there isn't anything missing from the house
either.
 COLUMBO [Slightly crestfallen]: You're sure of that.
 CLAY: Absolutely. [Looks back at the table and the smashed
watches] There's a simpler explanation for this little
discrepancy. Dr. Flemming was an old man in his early
seventies, and wasn't in the best physical condition.
The ravages of age are the likely reason why he didn't
crush the watch too hard.
 COLUMBO: [Scratches his head] Well that could be, yes. I
suppose it could have been like that. I guess in that
case, that puts us right back to nothing. Just like
everyone of these cases.  [Heads for the exit]
 CLAY: Where are you going, sir?
 COLUMBO: Right now, I'm gonna try and take my mind off the
Midnight Strangler.  [Exits]

SCENE SEVEN: [COLUMBO enters the law offices of Blakely and
Korshak, where there is much hectic activity going on. He
makes his way up to a desk at the end of a room, where a
middle:aged secretary is seated, deeply into a phone
conversation while making notations at the same time]
COLUMBO: Excuse me, maam, is this Mr. Korshak's office?
[The secretary ignores him and he leans down and motions
with his hand] Maam?[She gives him an impatient glare
and COLUMBO goes back to looking around the office with
a look of mild exasperation. And then, he notices a
distinguished looking, well-dressed man with white hair
making his way toward the back, as some workers say,
"Good afternoon, Mr. Korshak. "He goes into the private
office. COLUMBO glances back at the secretary, who is
still wrapped up in her phone conversation and casually
walks in]
COLUMBO: Excuse me, Mr.  Korshak? [KORSHAK looks up and
becomes visibly annoyed]
KORSHAK:What are you doing in here?
COLUMBO: Mr.  Korshak, I'm sorry to come in like this but your
 secretary is all tied up on the phone out there, and it's
 really important that I:::
KORSHAK [Visibly angry]: If you want to see me, then make an
 appointment with my secretary and maybe I'll get back to you
 in a week. I can't talk to any vagrant who comes off the
 street.
COLUMBO [Reaching inside for ID]: Ah, Mr.  Korshak
I'm afraid you don't quite understand:::
KORSHAK: I most certainly do! [Picks up phone] Security, I
 want you to come up here and throw an intruder out of my
 office!
COLUMBO [Holding up ID]: I'm Lieutenant COLUMBO, LAPD.
 [KORSHAK turns red with embarrassment]
KORSHAK: Ah, Security? Never mind. It was a mistake. [Hangs
 up] Lieutenant, I'm terribly sorry, I had no idea::
COLUMBO: That's quite all right, sir.
KORSHAK: It's just that. . . well you don't exactly look like a
 policeman.
COLUMBO [Sitting down]: Yeah, a lot of people have told me
 that. Personally, I don't know why everyone seems to have
 this stereotype about what a cop should like. I guess TV
 does that to them.
KORSHAK: I suppose so. Tell me Lieutenant, why are you here?
COLUMBO: Well there are just a few questions I'd like to ask
 you about a former client of yours. Miss Diane Hunter.
KORSHAK [Lifts an eyebrow]: Diane? I haven't seen or spoken
 to her in a year-and-a-half.
COLUMBO: Yes sir, I'm aware of that. I understand your firm
 represented her for more than thirty years.
KORSHAK: We represented her family Lieutenant. My father was
 very close to her father, and that's how the association
 began.
COLUMBO: I see. Now, I was over at her current lawyer Mr.
 McCracken this morning, and he says that the reason Miss
 Hunter ended her relationship with your firm was because
 of how her divorce settlement turned out. Is that correct?
KORSHAK [Smiles thinly]: That was her rationale for it. The
 fact is, no one could have helped her at that hearing.
 DIANE was responsible for the marriage going bad, and her
 husband Paul was entitled to everything he asked for.
COLUMBO: Really?
KORSHAK: Yes. The sad truth of the matter, Lieutenant, is
 that for the last twenty:five years, DIANE has ruined two
 marriages, and screwed up her whole life because of a
 neverending sick obsession with the man who killed her sister.
COLUMBO: Dr. Ray Flemming?
KORSHAK: Yes. You're familiar with the case?
COLUMBO: I should be, Mr.  Korshak. I'm the one who arrested
 Dr.  Flemming. [KORSHAK's mouth drops open in disbelief]
KORSHAK: Well for goodness sake, I didn't realize. . . . [Stops
 and tries to collect himself] Exactly why are you here,
 Lieutenant?
COLUMBO: I'm here because Dr.  Flemming was murdered last
 night, Mr.  Korshak.
KORSHAK: Murdered? [Eyes widen] And you suspect DIANE?
COLUMBO: [Looking surprised] Suspect her? Oh no, no sir,
 not at all. I mean Miss Hunter has a solid alibi, and
 besides that, she has no motive.
KORSHAK [Laughs sarcastically]: No motive? Lieutenant,
 you must be kidding. DIANE has wanted to see him dead
 for twenty-five years!
COLUMBO: Well that was true, yes. But I take it you're not
 aware that ever since Dr. Flemming was paroled six months
 ago, they've had a big reconciliation and have been
 appearing on all the talk shows together.
KORSHAK: Now I know you're kidding me, Lieutenant.
COLUMBO: No sir, I'm not. As a matter of fact they were on
 that religious program, the 700 Club last night.
KORSHAK: Forgive my skepticism, Lieutenant. It's just that
 the idea of DIANE reconciling with Ray Flemming strikes
 me as something straight out of Fantasyland.
COLUMBO: Why is that, sir?
KORSHAK: Because I had to live with the hell of what her
 obsession with him was doing to her. First, there was
 her giant angry woman crusade after Flemming's
 death sentence was overturned, which broke up her first
 marriage in '73. [Pours himself a drink] Then, when
California restored the death penalty she quieted down a
 little. Got remarried to a fine man who was CEO for an
 insurance company. And then three years ago, Dr. Flemming
 publishes his little memoir about how he found religion,
 which became a big bestseller. Next thing I know, DIANE
 is barging in here, demanding that I try and find a way to
 sue the publisher and stop the printings.  [COLUMBO stares
 at him in fascination] When I tell her I can't do that,
 she takes matters into her own hands by organizing boycotts
 of LA bookstores that are selling the book. It becomes an
 obsession even worse than before. And her second husband,
 just like her first one, can't take it anymore and leaves
 her. And picks up a big settlement that he was quite
 frankly, entitled to every last cent of.
COLUMBO: So you mean that as recently as a year-and-a-half
 ago, Miss Hunter was just as vindictive about Dr.  Flemming
 as she was twenty years ago?
KORSHAK [Downing his drink]: She was worse, Lieutenant.
A lot worse. And quite frankly, I was glad when she said
 she was going to take her business over to Lloyd McCracken.
 I'd gotten fed up with her antics a long time ago. Which is
 why it's so hard for me to believe that she could have ever
 gotten back together with him. That requires almost as big
 a transformation as Flemming's.
COLUMBO: I see. [Rises] Thank you, Mr.  Korshak, you've been
 very helpful.
KORSHAK [Slightly concerned]: Oh Lieutenant.
COLUMBO: Yes?
KORSHAK: Lieutenant, I hope I'm not planting any ideas in
 your head about Diane. I mean, you really don't have her
 under suspicion, do you?
COLUMBO: Oh no, not at all Mr.  Korshak. I'm sorry if you keep
 getting that impression. No, these are just loose details
 that I need to tie up. I have this knack for wanting to
 have every last insignificant detail taken care of. Maybe
 it doesn't add much to the big picture, but it always makes
 me feel like I've done a better job.  [Smiles] Good day,
 Mr.  Korshak. [He leaves]
COMMERCIAL
 

SCENE EIGHT: [A small church cemetery in suburban Los Angeles.
 DIANE, wearing sunglasses, is standing in front of a simple
 headstone that reads, "Carol Hunter Flemming, 1923:1968. "
 A tear streams down her cheek from behind her sunglasses,
 and her expression and bearing is one that suggests an
 intense feeling of relief. As she continues looking at the
 headstone, we see COLUMBO enter the cemetery lot. He frowns
 slightly when he notices her, and slowly makes his way up.
 COLUMBO: [From behind] Hello, Miss Hunter.
 DIANE [Jumping in startled shock]: Lieutenant COLUMBO!
What, what are you...
 COLUMBO [Apologetic]: I'm really sorry Miss Hunter, I didn't
mean to startle you like that.
 DIANE [Visibly flustered]: Well what is it you want? Why do
you come all the way down here looking for me?
 COLUMBO: Oh, I wasn't looking for you, Miss. No, you see I
knew that this was where your sister is buried, and I wanted
to sort of come down here for just a few minutes. I wasn't
expecting to find you here at all.
 DIANE [Not sure about his explanation]: Is that so. Is there
any particular reason why you'd want to come down here and
see Carol's grave?
 COLUMBO: Well, I guess it's because this whole case really
began with your sister twenty-six years ago, and I thought
it'd give me a moment to try and think about how this current
case stands. Because quite frankly Miss Hunter, this murder
of Dr.  Flemming is almost at a dead:end.
 DIANE:[Begins to feel slightly relieved]I see. Another
unsolvable Midnight Strangler killing?
 COLUMBO: Well, it looks like the Strangler, and yet there are
problems with that.
 DIANE: What sort of problems?
 COLUMBO [Shrugs]: I don't know. Little things that really
don't quite add up. On the surface, they don't mean much
and yet I know from experience that when there are little
insignificant details that don't make any sense, they have
the potential to add up to something big. [Looks up at her]
Let me tell you what I mean. Do you want to know what it was
that made me first think that Dr.  Flemming might have
murdered your sister? [She nods] It was when I noticed that he
didn't call out to his wife when he entered his apartment
and should have been expecting her to be there. Because of
that, I got to thinking about a lot of other little details
that also bothered me. And if it hadn't been for those
things, I might never have cracked the case.
 DIANE [Expression taut]: What sort of little details are
bothering you about Ray's murder, Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO: Well, there are only two. There's the location of the
murder for one thing. This is the first time the Strangler
has gone outside his usual ten-mile murder radius. After a
year, we've pretty much come to believe that the Strangler
only wants to find victims in the most expensive communities
possible, and this area, while it's still pretty upper-class
doesn't quite live up to the Strangler's usual standards.
 DIANE [Thoughtfully]: You know Lieutenant, listening to what
you've just said about how you solved Carol's murder, I think
I know what your problem is here.
 COLUMBO [Wanting to hear her]: Do you, Miss?
 DIANE: You're making the assumption that all murderers are
perfectly rational in the way they plan their crimes. Now
with Ray, it's easy to see that. A little detail that
seems out of place can easily lead to a murderer who is very
intelligent, calculating and rational. But I would think
that after a year, Lieutenant, you'd be the first to realize
that the Strangler is not a rational killer.
 COLUMBO: You think so.
 DIANE: Well of course. I mean, I read that article in the
Times magazine about the Strangler.
 COLUMBO: Article?
 DIANE: The one that came out eight months ago, after the third
murder.
 COLUMBO: Right, I'd forgotten about that one.
 DIANE: Anyway, the point is that I think anyone who is so
brutal enough to go around killing people at random the way
the Strangler does, shouldn't be thought of as a rational
person who would care about whether his next target lay
a certain spot on the map.
 COLUMBO [Nodding thoughtfully]: That's an interesting way of
putting it, Miss Hunter. I suppose a little thing like that
wouldn't matter to the Strangler. And yet, there's also the
matter of Dr. Flemming's watch.
 DIANE: His watch?
 COLUMBO: His watch. Now my sergeant disagrees with me on this,
but the way Dr. Flemming's watch so clearly established the
time of death struck me as a little odd. Plus the fact that
it doesn't strike me as having been damaged too severely for
it to have been stepped on by Dr. Flemming during the
struggle.
 DIANE [Looks at him with fascination]: I think I see what
you're getting at, Lieutenant. You think that a copycat
murderer planted the watch to make it look like it could
only have been the Strangler.
 COLUMBO: [Nods haltingly] Well yes, that quite frankly is
my biggest fear at the moment, that I might have a second
Strangler on my hands to deal with. But right now, I
think I'm going to have to stick to the official assumption
that it's the same man. There are two problems with my
concern about the watch.
 DIANE: And they are?
 COLUMBO: Well, the scuff marks on Dr. Flemming's shoes show
that he did step on something, but if it wasn't the watch
then what could it have been? There isn't anything missing
from the house that could fit the description.
 DIANE: I see. [Pauses slightly] If all this is correct,
Lieutenant, then finding Ray's killer is going to be next
to impossible.
 COLUMBO: Well, I hope not. As long as we still have a
Strangler to deal with, then I'm going to do all I can to
figure out who it is. And then, there'll be a lot of
other victims who'll be able to rest in peace.
 DIANE [Sounding as sincere as she can]: I hope so, Lieutenant. For Ray's sake.
 COLUMBO: [Looking down at Carol Flemming's headstone] Any
particular reason why you decided to come here, Miss?
 DIANE [Caught slightly off-guard]: I beg your pardon?
 COLUMBO: I mean there wasn't any special reason why you
decided to come here? Like for instance, are you going to
have Dr. Flemming buried alongside here?
 DIANE:[Tenses. She never for a moment would have considered
doing something like that, believing it to be too repugnant]
Actually no. Ray's going to be buried at Forest Lawn.
 COLUMBO [Looks up]: Oh really?
 DIANE: Yes. I'm only here for the same reason you are. Just
reflecting a bit.
 COLUMBO: I see. I guess then that Dr. Flemming didn't want to
be buried next to his wife?
 DIANE: Well he never got around to any of those details.
 COLUMBO [Nods]: I see. Well nothin' wrong with Forest
Lawn, as a matter of fact I've got an uncle who's buried
there. Real peaceful place I'll tell ya'.
 DIANE [Glances at him with a guarded expression] :Is there
anything else you need to talk to me about, Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO: [Looks back at the headstone] Tell me Miss Hunter,
how close were you to your sister?
 DIANE [Looks at the headstone as well and sighs]: Very close.
I literally depended on her for the first twenty-five years
of my life. [COLUMBO looks at her] You see, our parents,
being very wealthy and socially active, had very little time
for the both of us. And Carol, being fourteen years older
than me, had been able to see firsthand how empty and
emotionally trying that was. [Her voice grows slightly
emotional] She'd spent her whole childhood and adolescence
without knowing what it was like to feel love and comfort
from a parent. If there was trouble with other kids or at
school, then she didn't have someone's shoulder to cry on, or
a tender voice to tell her that everything was all right.
And it was hell for her. That's why when I came along, and
Carol saw that neither of our parents had changed, she became
determined not to let the same kind of empty hell happen to
me. [Sucks in her breath] And by God, that's exactly what
she did. She was more than a protective older sister to me,
she was my stand-in mother. She literally gave up the best
years of her life so she could come back home and guide me
along. It wasn't until I went to college and finally got
married, that she was able to go back to living her own life
and putting herself first. [Shakes her head slightly] I
need to get away from here.
 COLUMBO: We can walk back to the lot, Miss.
 DIANE: Sure. [They start walking] But anyway, as I settled
into a stable marriage, I was really worried for a long time
about how Carol would end up. She wasn't a particularly
attractive woman, and I always felt terrified that her
compassion and sacrifice for me, would be the one thing that
prevented her from finding happiness of her own. That's why
when she married Ray Flemming, I couldn't have been any
happier or more relieved.
 COLUMBO: Did you get along with Dr. Flemming while they were
married?
 DIANE: We got along perfectly. I genuinely loved him as a man
who'd finally given my sister the one thing I'd always wanted
her to have. [Sighs] That's why it was such a shock when
six months before the murder, Carol came to me one day crying
her eyes out. After all those years of me running to her for
help and advice, she was finally coming to me. She'd found
out that Ray had been cheating on her for the last three
years, and it devastated her. She was absolutely torn
between leaving him, and trying to stick it out because
she loved him dearly. And I didn't know what to say to her,
because deep down I knew that if she divorced Ray, she might
not ever find anyone else again. I always looked back on
that night and wished to God that I'd been more forceful with
her, because then she might have found the strength to leave
him then, and that way Ray wouldn't have been able to hatch
his little murder scheme. [Looks at COLUMBO] I think you
can see, Lieutenant, why Carol's death was something I could
never come to terms with back then. Why it was so easy for
me to be bitter and go out on those crusades of mine that
wrecked both of my marriages.
 COLUMBO [Nodding]: Yes, I can.
 DIANE [lets out a sigh]: And what hurts so much, is that Paul,
my second husband, was a good man whom I wish to God I could
have back again.
 [They exit the cemetery grounds, and as they enter the church
parking lot, COLUMBO suddenly sees a tow truck pulling away
his old Peugot. ]
 COLUMBO: Hey! Hey, wait a minute![Sprints after it, but it is
too late as the truck pulls out and drives away. He comes to
a stop] Geez, what's going on here?
 DIANE[Looking at the empty parking space]: Lieutenant, I
think you didn't read the sign in this space.
 COLUMBO: [Looking back at her] Sign?
 DIANE [Pointing]: Yes. [COLUMBO comes up and reads the
metal sign that says, "This space reserved for Pastoral Staff
only. "]It would seem that you stepped on the vicar's toes.
 COLUMBO [Starts to laugh]:Ho geez. My wife'll really let
me have it when I tell her this. Me stealin' a preacher's
space.  I don't know how I could have missed that. I guess
you just react instinctively when you see an empty space and
never give any thought to that. Happened to me a year ago
when I parked in the commissioner's space, but of course they
knew it was me and didn't tow it away.
 DIANE [Smiling]: I'm sure you'll have no trouble getting it
back. In the meantime, I can give you a lift, Lieutenant.
 COLUMBO: Oh, well I don't want to impose on you or anything
like that, Miss Hunter. I mean, I'll bet you probably think
you've seen enough of me for one day.
 DIANE: Nonsense!I insist. Hop in, Lieutenant. [She motions
to her gleaming white Cadillac and COLUMBO awkwardly makes
his way over, where he opens the door and settles in, awed
by the car's cleanliness and luxury. DIANE settles in and
closes the door. ]Where shall I take you?
 COLUMBO: Oh. Well, now that I think about it, I'd like to
go back to your brother:in:law's house and see if there's
anything there I might have missed.
 DIANE: That'll be no problem. [Starts the car and pulls out.
Cut to later shot of them as DIANE drives]Lieutenant, I
think there's one question you haven't asked me yet that I'm
sure you want to know the answer to.
 COLUMBO: Yes miss?
 DIANE [Tensing slightly, knowing she has to do this absolutely
right]: You're probably wondering after that long story I
told you about how much Carol meant to me, and how bitter I
was about her death, how I could have possibly reconciled
with Ray after he was paroled.
 COLUMBO: Well to be perfectly honest, Miss Hunter, I was
interested to know. I talked to your former lawyer Mr.
Korshak earlier today::
 DIANE [Looking at him in surprise]: You talked to Sam?
 COLUMBO: Ah yes, I::
 DIANE: What on earth for?
 COLUMBO: Oh nothing important, I just needed some background
material and stuff since I wasn't getting anywhere with the
main investigation. But the thing is, he instinctively
thought that when I mentioned that Dr. Flemming had been
murdered, that I had you in mind as a suspect.
 DIANE [Glancing at him with amusement, but inside she is
nervous and tense]: Did he now? Well Sam always had a
knack for thinking the worst about me. Getting rid of him
was probably the most sensible thing I ever did.
 COLUMBO: Well you see, Mr. Korshak didn't know about your
reconciliation with Dr. Flemming, and when I told him about
it, he practically laughed in my face. He said that since
you were just as bitter about Dr. Flemming a year-and-a-half
ago, as you were twenty years ago, it was hard to believe
that you could have had such a dramatic change of heart.
 DIANE: I no longer care about what Sam Korshak thinks about me.
But I'd be interested to know if you think it's hard to
believe, Lieutenant.
 COLUMBO: Me?
 DIANE: Yes, I'm pretty sure that as you learn more about how
bitter and obsessed I was for so many years, even to the
point of sacrificing two marriages for the sake of venting
my feelings of outrage before the public, how I could have
reconciled with Ray. Maybe you'd start to wonder if I faked
the whole thing as part of some elaborate conspiracy of
revenge.
 COLUMBO [Surprised]: Now why would I think something like
that?
 DIANE: Maybe because of one or two of those little things
that always seem to bother you, and which helped you
expose Ray. Is there anything like that that makes you
think I should be a suspect?
 COLUMBO [Leans back and laughs]: Oh no, Miss. Not at all.
I mean, why should I suspect you? You weren't even there.
You were on the phone at home with Mr.  McCracken.
 DIANE:[Coyly] Unless I faked it? Maybe your suspicion
about the wristwatch is right, and I faked that.
 COLUMBO [Still chuckling]: Miss Hunter, quit pulling my leg.
 DIANE: Lieutenant, given all that I've done in the past, I
think you'd be a bit derelict in your job if you didn't
suspect me for just a brief instant. And I'll admit that
a year-and-a-half ago, I would have gladly killed Ray if
I had the opportunity. Paul's leaving me was the lowest
point I'd ever sunk to in my life, and yes, I used to stay up
late and get myself drunk with anger, just thinking about
all the tragedy I felt Ray was to blame for in my life.
[Pauses for effect] Eight months ago, I got another one of
the letters Ray had been sending me for the last ten years.
I don't know why I bothered to open it, but for some reason
I did. It was a long, emotion-filled letter, telling me that
he expected to be paroled real soon, and that it would mean
a lot to him if there was some way we could finally get
together and talk. He wrote a lot about how he'd turned to
religion and was trying to do things that would make up for
what he'd done to Carol. And my first instinct was to
crumple it up and throw it across the room.
 COLUMBO: But you didn't do that?
 DIANE [Reflective]: No.  For some reason, for all I know it
might have been an act of God, I stopped to think long and
hard about what I'd been through these last twenty:five
years. And then I realized, that all the misery I'd gone
through wasn't really Ray's fault, it was mine. I'd let the
bitterness drive wedges between me and the people I'd loved,
and I'd left myself drunk and friendless because of my
bitterness. I just decided that if Ray was truly trying
to reform and make a new man of himself, then maybe it was
time for me to let go of the bitterness and put my life back
together as well. And so, for the first time, I wrote back
to him. And that was the beginning of our reconciliation.
[Glances at COLUMBO] Does it sound phony to you, Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO [Sighs]: I never had any reason to think it was,
Miss Hunter. And after listening to you, I have even less
reason to think that.
 DIANE: I appreciate that, Lieutenant. I know it was important
for you to have all this information, but I hope you can
now get to the more important job of finding out who really
killed Ray and all the others. [Pulls the car to a stop
along the curb] We're here Lieutenant.
 COLUMBO [Unhitches his belt]: Thanks a lot Miss Hunter. I
really appreciate your cooperation.
 DIANE: The least I can do to help. [He gets out, and then
she looks out the window and calls after him] Oh, Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO: Yes miss?
 DIANE: Lieutenant, if you're still interested in that silk robe
for your wife, you can get one on sale for fifty dollars at Frederick's.
 COLUMBO: [Pleasantly surprised] Oh really? Well thanks miss,
I appreciate that. I know that's just the thing she needs.
You knowMiss Hunter, I gotta tell you, you're a really
remarkable woman.
 DIANE [Smiles brightly]: Thank you.
 COLUMBO: I mean the way you remember so many little things that
I know I might ordinarily forget, that's really something. I
mean not just the thing about your robe, but that article
about the Strangler in the Times. I know I've probably read
everything that's been written about him, and I still can't
remember a line from that one. You've got a great power of
recall to remember one article from eight months ago. If I
didn't know better, I'd almost think you'd kept a copy of it
with you all this time.
 [DIANE's smile fades slightly]
 DIANE: Good day Lieutenant. I hope you have no trouble getting
your car back.  [She drives off.  COLUMBO smiles and turns and
enters Ray's house. Two officers are still there, guarding
the crime scene. ]
 

SCENE NINE: DIANE enters her townhouse and hurriedly walks into
the living room. She goes over to her bookcase and pulls down a
copy of Ray's autobiography. She hastily flips
through it and comes to the relevant page. RAY's voice
explains what she is reading.
 RAY (V. O): I had figured that no one would ever have any reason
to suspect me of murdering Carol. That was before I found
myself facing the detective investigating the case,
Lieutenant COLUMBO. In time, I soon realized that he was
going to be a most formidable obstacle to getting myself home
free.
 [Slow dissolve to a flashback from the COLUMBO pilot
film, "Prescription Murder"]
 RAY: Columbo, you're magnificent. You really are.
 COLUMBO: Why do you say that, Doc?
 RAY: You are by far the most persistent creature I've ever met.
But you're likable. The astonishing thing is that you're
likable. Did anyone ever tell you you were droll?
 COLUMBO: Me?
 RAY: Well you are. Droll as hell.
 COLUMBO: Come on now, Doc.
 RAY: You're a sly little elf, Columbo. You should sit under
your own private toadstool. [Jump cut to later scene] You
never stop do you?
 COLUMBO: What?
 RAY: The insinuations, the change of pace. You're a bag of
tricks, Columbo. Right down to that prop cigar you use.
 COLUMBO: Well::
 RAY: I'm going to tell you something about yourself. You said
you needed a psychiatrist. Maybe you do and maybe you don't.
But you're a perfect example of compensation.
 COLUMBO: Of what, Doc?
 RAY: Compensation. Adaptability. You're an intelligent man,
Columbo. But you hide it, you play the clown. Why? Because
of your appearance. You think you'll never get by on looks
or polish, so you make a defect into a virtue. You take
people by surprise. They underestimate you and that's how
you trip them up. Like your coming here tonight.
 COLUMBO: Boy, you really got me pegged.
 [Cut back to the present, as a tense DIANE lowers the book. The
dim echo of RAY's and COLUMBO's voices can still be heard]
 RAY: They underestimate you, and that's how you trip them up.
 COLUMBO: Boy, you really got me pegged.
 RAY: They underestimate you, and that's how you trip them up.
 COLUMBO: Boy, you really got me pegged. . . . Really pegged. . . .
Really pegged.
[DIANE puts the book down and calmly exhales. She goes over
to the bar and uneasily fixes a drink. As she fixes it, she
 nervously drops an ice cube on the floor. She straightens
 herself and calmly picks it up. ]
 DIANE: You're not going to trip me up, Lieutenant. I know
everything you'll be looking for. You won't figure it out.
 [Drinks and then goes over to her phonestand drawer. Opens
it and pulls out the old article about the Strangler. ]
You've served your purpose. No sense in letting you lie
around for no reason.  [Takes out cigarette lighter and burns
it. ]Now what else, what else?[A sudden realization
comes over her and she goes into the kitchen and looks in
the wastebasket. She pulls out a piece of the broken
remote control and carefully examines the brand name, which
says "All-In-One Remote". She drops it back into the
garbage and nervously goes out to the living room, where
she picks up the rest of her drink and downs it. She
knows that if COLUMBO has doubts about the watch, he'll
soon figure out that a remote control device is missing
from Ray's living room. She knows she has to do something
about it. ]
 

SCENE TEN: [DIANE enters a local Radio Shack store and comes up
to an attendant]
 ATTENDANT: Can I help you?
 DIANE: Yes, I need a universal remote control device.
 ATTENDANT: Oh yeah we've got those. I'll get one for you.
 DIANE: Thank you.
 

SCENE ELEVEN: [DIANE exits the store and in the next shot, we see
 her back in her home, going through the instruction manual.
 We see a close-up of the page that mentions how each brand
 of televisions and VCR's require a different code in order for the
remote to work. DIANE then puts the page down. ]
 DIANE: Problem. How do I put in the right codes? [A burst of
 recognition comes over her. She goes to the drawer by the
 phone and pulls out a photo of herself and Ray that was
 taken in his living room. In the background, the TV and
 VCR are both visible and the bold letters "RCA" stand out
 on them. She then breaks into a grin] Perfect.
 Absolutely perfect. [She opens the book and goes back to
 the codes]
 

SCENE TWELVE: [The funeral home. Ray's open casket lies at the
back of the room.  Standing in front of the casket, head bowed,
arms behind back is a clearly agitated CHAPLAIN JACK NEWTON,
the former prison chaplain who had brought about Ray's
spiritual rebirth. DIANE enters and casually makes her way
up to him]
 DIANE: Jack?
 CHAPLAIN [Turns around. His eyes are red and his cheeks
are tearstained]: Oh God, DIANE.  [She puts his arms around
him and they embrace]
 DIANE [Soothingly gentle]: I know. I know, it's so horrible.
 CHAPLAIN [Lets go of her and he turns around to look at Ray,
lying in the casket]: I'd talked to him just the other day.
I wanted to give him some inspiration for the interview.
For a thing like this to happen.
 DIANE:[Her voice starts to crack with emotion] I almost
blame myself. If only I'd stayed with him and not gone
home. The killer might have gone away if both of us
were there.
 CHAPLAIN: Oh don't blame yourself, Diane. You musn't let any of
that trouble you.
 DIANE [Clenches her fist with emotion as tears start to stream
down her face]: I can't help it Jack, I just::[Stops and
looks at him} Jack, could you just give me a minute alone
with Ray? I could really use it.
 CHAPLAIN: Sure, Diane. Anything you want. I'll be outside.
[He turns around and walks out. DIANE reaches in her purse
 for a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. The instant she hears
 the door close, she freezes and her mournful expression
 suddenly grows cold and calculating. She reaches back into
 her purse and pulls out the remote control device. She
 then looks down at Ray's peaceful visage and smiles with
 contempt]
DIANE: Sorry, my dear brother-in-law, but you're needed one
 last time. [She places the remote control device in his
 hand and squeezes it hard] We wouldn't want Lieutenant
 Columbo to have just one more thing to worry about, would
 we? [Pulls it out and places it back in her purse. She
 straightens herself, allows her demeanor to grow sorrowful
 again as she makes her way out.  The CHAPLAIN is waiting. ]
DIANE: I'm all right now Jack. I'll be fine.
CHAPLAIN: Is there anything else I can do for you?
DIANE: No Jack, that's not necessary. Really. There's
 nothing else you can do. I just have to put this whole
 tragedy in perspective and move on.
CHAPLAIN: I know. I have to do that too. But God, it won't
 be easy. Ray had so much good left in him to give to the
 world. For him to go now, it's just like it was too soon.
DIANE:[Puts her hand on her shoulder] Don't dwell on what
 might have been, Jack.  Be grateful for what you did. Where
 would you have been, and where would Ray have been if his
 death sentence hadn't been overturned, and you'd never had
 a chance to reform him?
CHAPLAIN:[Slowly nods and smiles weakly] Yeah. That's the
 best way I can look at things. At least Ray died a changed
 man. At least he was at peace with the world and with God.
[Looks at DIANE] Diane, I can't thank you enough for the
 things you've done since Ray was paroled. The one thing he
 wanted more than anything else was to reconcile with you.
DIANE: I'm glad I had that opportunity.
 [Just then, the funeral director BRIGGS enters the corridor]
BRIGGS: Ah Chaplain Newton, Miss Hunter. I trust that
 everything is in order.
DIANE: As a matter of fact Mr. Briggs, I was just on my way
to see you. That suit you have for Ray simply will not do.
BRIGGS [Taken aback]: Well Miss Hunter, it seemed like the
 best one he::
DIANE [Interrupting]: I'm afraid it's unacceptable. That
 dark blue one you grabbed off the shelf is the one the
 prison people gave him when he was let out. He deserves
 better than that.
BRIGGS: But Miss Hunter, the funeral is tomorrow.
DIANE: Mr. Briggs, as Ray's only living relative, I ask that
 you respect my wishes on this point. Do you agree with me
 Jack?
CHAPLAIN [Slightly puzzled but he nods his head yes]: I don't
 see anything unreasonable about it, Mr.  Briggs.
BRIGGS [Sighs at the thought of having more work to do]:
 Very well.
DIANE:Thank you Mr.  Briggs, I appreciate that very much.
 I'll stop by Ray's house and pick out a more appropriate
 suit and be back in an hour.
 
 

SCENE THIRTEEN: [Ray's house. The front door knocks and the
PATROLMAN goes over to open it. Door opens and he sees DIANE,
her purse over her shoulder. ]
 DIANE: Excuse me officer, but could I come in?I'm Dr.
Flemming's sister:in:law.
 PATROLMAN: Uh yeah. I think so. [Turns and calls in direction
 of kitchen]Lieutenant COLUMBO?
 COLUMBO [Emerging from kitchen}: Yeah? Oh Miss Hunter.  Didn't
expect to see you come back here.
 DIANE [sighs]: Well I didn't want to, but I need to pick out
a new suit for Ray's funeral.
 COLUMBO [Frowns slightly]: I thought the body was already at
the funeral home, miss.
 DIANE: Well it is, but the suit that was picked out is
simply unacceptable. It's the cheap one that San
Quentin gave him as a going away gift. Ray deserves
better.
 COLUMBO: Oh yeah, I suppose I can understand that, it's
never classy to be buried in something shabby or anything
like that. When it's my turn, my wife's gonna have to
bury me in my best suit.
 DIANE [Eyes his rumpled tan suit]: What is your best suit,
Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO: Me? Oh, by far this one. This is the best suit I've
ever had. Course I'm not counting the tuxedo I own for
special occasions or anything like that. But then I wouldn't
want to be buried in a tuxedo, I mean that'd be going way
too far.
 DIANE [Slightly amazed]: Aren't you a little out of
style, Lieutenant?You know, there's a picture of you in
Ray's book from when you arrested him and that suit was
no different from the one you're wearing now.
 COLUMBO [Nonchalantly]: Oh, this is the same suit, miss.
 DIANE [Taken aback at the thought that he could be wearing
the same suit for twenty-six years]: The same?
 COLUMBO: Yeah, I've managed to take pretty good care of it.
Hasn't worn out or anything, so why bother?I mean the way
suits cost nowadays, it just ain't worth it.
 DIANE: Yes, I suppose a Lieutenant's salary forces you to be
a bit frugal. That's why you wanted to know if you could
find a robe like mine for fifty dollars?
 COLUMBO: Yeah, 'fraid so. Course I've always felt my wife
was worth plunking down more for, but what with having
the house repainted for her, and our kids tuition bills,
I can't do as much for her as I'd like.
 DIANE: I'm sure she forgives you for that. [Looks around]
If you don't mind Lieutenat, I'll get that suit for Ray.
 COLUMBO: Yeah, you go right ahead, Miss Hunter. [She starts
down the hallway] Oh, and one other thing Miss Hunter.
 DIANE [Turning around]: Yes?
 COLUMBO: As soon as you've taken care of that, I'd appreciate
it if you could help me with something.
 DIANE: Not at all.
[She goes down the hallway and into the bedroom. She goes
 to the closet and pulls a gray pinstriped suit off the
 hanger. Setting it on the bed, she then opens her purse and
 pulls out the remote control device. She hides it
 underneath the suit and carries the bundle out into the
 living room. She smiles faintly as she notices that the
 room is temporarily empty. She sits down on the couch in
 the spot where Ray had been sitting, and as she holds the
 bundle in her lap, she deftly shoves the remote control
 device as far as she can underneath the side of the sofa.
 Just as she pulls her hand out, COLUMBO re-enters the room. ]
 DIANE: You said you needed some help Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO: Oh, you picked a pinstriped one? Yeah, that should
look fine. Now, Miss Hunter, I think Mr. McCracken mentioned
to me that you purchased this house for Dr.  Flemming?
 DIANE [Sighs]: Yes, I wanted Ray to be close by to me. And
this house happened to be available, so I decided to go
ahead.
 COLUMBO: Well that must have set you back pretty much Miss
Hunter, because I mean, I hope you don't mind my being
personal, but what with your divorce settlement, could you
really afford a place like this?
 DIANE: In spite of my financial downturn, I am still a wealthy
woman, Lieutenant.
 COLUMBO: I see.
 DIANE: It might be all from inheritance and smart stock
investments, but it's kept me well:off.
 COLUMBO: Well that I can see. But anyway, what I'm getting at,
is that since you technically own the house::
 DIANE: I don't own it, Lieutenant. The deed on it is in Ray's
name. It was an outright gift.
 COLUMBO: Oh I see. Well still, you might be able to clear up a
few things for me. Did you supply all the furniture as well?
 DIANE: Ah no, Ray did all that. He felt a bit uneasy about my
getting him this house, so he insisted on paying for all his
own furniture. The royalties from his book enabled him to do
that.
 COLUMBO: Okay. But even so, you've been over here quite a bit
since he moved in?
 DIANE: Yes.
 COLUMBO: In that case, I was wondering if you could clear up
something for me.
 DIANE: Sure.
 COLUMBO [Points to TV]: About the TV. Do you know if the Doc
happened to own a remote control device that went with it?
 DIANE: A remote control?
 COLUMBO: Yeah you see, it occurred to me that since Dr.
Flemming was a fairly old man, he might be the kind of person
who would want to own a remote control and save the hassle of
his getting up and down and all that. Course you don't have
to be his age to know how handy a remote device is, I've had
one with my set for twenty years myself.
 DIANE: Well as a matter of fact Lieutenant, he did own one. I
noticed it when I was here last night.
 COLUMBO: Oh you mean then, that Dr, Flemming had a remote
control that he was using last night?
 DIANE: Yes.
 COLUMBO: You know by any chance what kind of a remote?
 DIANE: Yes, it was one of those universal remote controls.
 COLUMBO: How's that?
 DIANE: Well you use it to control both a TV and a VCR.
 COLUMBO: Oh you mean they make them like so you can use one
remote for both of them?
 DIANE: Yes.
 COLUMBO: Geez, technology's so hard to keep up with. So you
did see Dr.  Flemming using one last night?
 DIANE: I did.
 COLUMBO [Rubs the back of his head]: Boy that is strange.
 DIANE: Why?
 COLUMBO: Well the problem is, what happened to it? We haven't
found one lying around here.
 DIANE: You haven't?
 COLUMBO: No, there was no remote control lying around here and
we've been searching the place all day.
 DIANE: Hmmm, that is strange. But then again, that's the kind
of device that's pretty easy to misplace.
 COLUMBO: Well I'm not sure of that, Miss Hunter, because you
just said that he had it with him last night, just two:and:a:
half hours before he was murdered.
 DIANE [Rises. She knows it would seem too suspicious to call
his attention to the sofa]: Lieutenant, you have me at a
loss. I couldn't begin to explain what happened to the
remote control. Does it really matter?
 COLUMBO: I have a feeling that it might.
 DIANE: How so?
 COLUMBO [Puts a cigar in his mouth]: Well you remember how I
was explaining about Dr.  Flemming's smashed watch?
 DIANE: Yes.
 COLUMBO [Starts to fumble with his pockets]: You wouldn't
happen to have a match, would you?
 DIANE: I have a lighter.  [Puts the suit down and opens her
purse]I'm afraid that in spite of all the health warnings,
smoking cigarettes remains a vice of mine that I have no
intention of ever giving up. [Lights it for him]
 COLUMBO: Yeah, I know what you mean. My wife's wanted me to
quit these cigars for years, but I can never keep away from
them. [Takes a puff]
 DIANE [Puts the lighter back]: You were saying about the watch?
 COLUMBO: Right, the watch. Well I got to thinking that if that
little theory about the watch being planted in order to fix
a false time of death were true, I'd still be left with the
question of what exactly did Dr.  Flemming step on, since his
shoes clearly show that he stepped on something. But what
else could he have stepped on?
 DIANE: And you thought, that maybe it was the remote control.
 COLUMBO: Well yes, I did. Now the way I see it, maybe Dr.
Flemming was holding the remote, and not his watch when he
was strangled. That would mean the killer would have to
get rid of the remote if he was going to make it look like
it was the watch that got stepped on.
 DIANE [Staying totally composed]: Sounds clever. Does this
mean you think you're dealing with a copycat murderer?
 COLUMBO: Oh not necessarily, Miss. After all, if it is the
Strangler, it could very well be that he deliberately broke
the watch just to make certain that we'd know it was him.
 DIANE [Sits down again]: I wish I could help you with this,
but I'm afraid I can't.
 PATROLMAN [Entering room]: Lieutenant, phone call for you.
 COLUMBO: Thanks.  [Goes into foyer and picks it up]Yeah?
You're kidding. You're absolutely sure?I'll be a son:of:
a:gun, that's terrific. I'll be right downtown. [Hangs
up]
 DIANE: Something important?
 COLUMBO: [Holding his cigar and grinning with satisfaction]
Yeah. It looks as if we've nabbed the Strangler.
 DIANE [Jolted]: You what?
 COLUMBO: We've had a break in the third Strangler murder from
ten months ago. And there's a good chance that this suspect
is linked to all the others. [Smiles at her]It could very
well be that we've got your brother:in:law's murder solved
as well.
 DIANE [Trying to regain her composure. The possibility that
the real Strangler would have been apprehended is something
she never considered]: That's wonderful.
 COLUMBO: Course as soon as we interrogate him, we'll know
better if he's linked to Dr.  Flemming's murder. I got to be
moving Miss Hunter. I'll be in touch with you later.
[Leaves. Cut to shot of DIANE, sitting on couch and looking
 very uneasy. ]
COMMERCIAL
 

SCENE FOURTEEN: [COLUMBO enters the interrogation room at police
headquarters. CLAY is standing in front of the table, while
the disheveled looking DANNY DURANTY is sitting at the table.
 COLUMBO: Who we got here?
 CLAY: Daniel John Duranty, age 26, graduate of USC, currently
an unemployed vagrant.
 DURANTY: I am unable to work only because of the oppressive
treatment I have received from the exploitative capitalist
class in this society.
 COLUMBO: Howzzat again?
 CLAY: Mr.  Duranty here, fancies himself as a champion of the
proletariat.
 COLUMBO: Oh. That make him a communist or something?
 DURANTY: I prefer to be known as a democratic socialist worker.
 COLUMBO [Continues to stare at him in befuddlement]: What have
you got on this guy?
 CLAY: A direct tie to the Strangler's murder number three, with
possible ties to murders two and five as well.
 COLUMBO: You sure of that?
 CLAY: Practically airtight, Lieutenant. Victim three as you
remember, was the president of the Third California Bank.
We got a call this morning from Mr.  Duranty's girlfriend,
who used to work for that same bank, and she told us that
he had boasted to her last night about killing the man who
had fired her.
 COLUMBO: So you got a warrant?
 CLAY: We wasted no time. He's got a skid:row apartment, and
inside was a ton of paraphernalia that ties him to at least
three of these killings.
 DURANTY [Turns and smiles cockily at them]: I'll save you some
time, gentlemen. I'm guilty of all of them. You've finally
got your Midnight Strangler. All in a day's work in your
service to the fascist state.
 COLUMBO [Becoming amused]: You're confessing to all of them,
Danny?
 DURANTY: Why not? Sooner or later, I knew this state would
destroy me. Why deny something I'm proud of?
 COLUMBO: I see. You're proud of the fact that you go around
strangling innocent people for no reason.
 DURANTY: Oh but there is a reason, Lieutenant. I don't simply
go around killing innocent members of the working class and
all the other exploited branches of our society. I choose
only those who have profited unjustly from this evil system.
 COLUMBO: Wealthy homeowners in upper-class neighborhoods.
 DURANTY: Houses that they no doubt purchased only through the
slave labor of the exploited masses. For years, I've been
appalled by their smug arrogance as they go about lives of
overindulgence and luxury, while so many more are starving
and unable to work. And many more suffer for their beliefs.
 COLUMBO: Right. Like you, huh?
 DURANTY: I have as much intelligence and capacity to work as
anyone in the upper classes. Yet I am unable to work only
because my politics, the politics of truth, scare too many
people.
 COLUMBO: So you carry out your frustrations by killing people.
 DURANTY: I carry out only justice in the name of the exploited.
 COLUMBO [Looks down carefully at him]: How come you never
steal anything when you kill these people? They must have a
lot of things you'd love to have.
 DURANTY: Why should I steal? Much of what they own has been
stolen from the exploited classes. I should never think of
descending to their level and stealing from them as well.
One day, their possessions will be ours when the people's
revolution comes.
 CLAY [Whispering]: This guy's a fruitcake!
 COLUMBO: [Holding up an arm, motioning him to be quiet] Let's
go over this one more time. You killed the first victim,
Henry Goldstein, corporate attorney.
 DURANTY: Yes.
 COLUMBO: And the second victim, Mrs.  Janet Brown, the wife of
a noted surgeon.
 DURANTY: Yes.
 COLUMBO: The third victim, Robert Jaworski, banker.
 DURANTY: Yes.
 COLUMBO: Number four, Hector Carrasco, stockbroker.
 DURANTY: Yes.
 COLUMBO [Picking up the tempo]: Number five, Stephanie Colton,
owner of a modeling agency.
 DURANTY: Yes.
 COLUMBO [Voice rising]: Number six, Bruce Hollister, a TV
executive.
 DURANTY: Yes.
 COLUMBO [At it's highest]: Number seven, Dr.  Raymond Flemming,
psychiatrist.
 DURANTY [Looks up at him and frowns]: Who?
 COLUMBO: The last victim. Last night. Dr.  Flemming. Lives
in a house on::
 DURANTY: I don't know who you're talking about. I didn't do
anything last night.
 COLUMBO: Oh didn't you? Dr.  Flemming was killed in a manner
identical to the other six. Strangled just after midnight
with a rope. No robbery. An upper-class neighborhood.
 DURANTY [Shakes his head]: I wouldn't know about that one.
I was with my girl last night from seven pm to this morning.
That was when I made the mistake of telling her that I'd
knocked off the pig who'd fired her from the bank a year ago,
and drove her into poverty. Unfortunately she panicked and
called you pigs, rather than appreciate what I'd done for her
and every one else like her.
 COLUMBO [Looks back at CLAY]: Is that right?
 CLAY: I was going to get to that in a minute sir. I took the
girl's statement and she confirms the time element.
 COLUMBO: Son:of:a:gun.
 CLAY: I'm sorry I didn't mention that when you came in, but
since we didn't have any links to any other killings but
two, three and five, it didn't seem too relevant.
 COLUMBO: No, no problem.
 DURANTY: You mean somebody else is going around doing the same
thing? Way to go. That means already that there'll be
others to take my place even after I'm gone. Our cause will
survive.
 COLUMBO: Sergeant, was Mr.  Duranty read his Miranda rights?
 CLAY: Yes sir.
 COLUMBO: Was he advised of his right to counsel?
 CLAY: Yes sir.
 COLUMBO: Good. [Turns to him and his voice grows cold]
Everything you just told us is going to hang you but good.
 

SCENE FOURTEEN: [The next morning, Lloyd McCracken's office.
 DIANE is ready to leave. ]
 DIANE: They think they have the Strangler.
 LLOYD: Well then I guess that means the case is solved.
 DIANE [Shakes her head slightly]: I'm not sure. The way
that Lieutenant COLUMBO's been treating the case makes
me wonder if he thinks the Strangler really did it.
 LLOYD [Frowns]: But who else would have had a reason to
kill Ray?
 DIANE:I don't know. Maybe a copycat killer, or maybe. . .
[She trails off as if an idea has occurred to her]
 LLOYD: Diane?
 DIANE [Sucks in her breath]: Well now that I think of it,
there is someone who might have had a motive.
 LLOYD: Who?
 DIANE: Actually, Lloyd, I'd rather not say until I've had a
chance to talk to COLUMBO, and if my hunch about it not
being the Strangler is right.
 LLOYD [Shrugs]: Very well.
 DIANE: Is there any other business relating to Ray that I
still need to go over with you?
 LLOYD: The only thing left is Ray's will, which I can assure you
won't take long. You and Jack Newton are the only ones
mentioned in it.
 DIANE: The sooner this can all be put behind us, the better.
[Rises. ]I'll be going now.
 LLOYD: Call me if you need anything else.
 DIANE: I will. [Goes into outer office, and freezes when she
sees COLUMBO sitting in the waiting area. ]
 COLUMBO [Rises]: Good morning Miss Hunter.
 DIANE [Composed]: Lieutenant.
 COLUMBO: Didn't mean to startle you like that, but your
answering machine said you'd be down here so I figured I'd
try and catch you on your way out.
 DIANE [Starts to walk toward elevator and he joins her]: Then
I assume you're here to tell me that you've got Ray's killer?
 COLUMBO: No miss, I'm afraid not.
 DIANE [Frowns]: You mean you didn't arrest the Strangler?
 COLUMBO: Oh we nabbed the Strangler all right. But I'm afraid
the Strangler isn't the one who murdered Dr.  Flemming.
 DIANE: You're sure of that?
 COLUMBO: Yes I am miss. He has an airtight alibi, and what's
more he's confessed to every one of the other murders. The
only one he denies committing is your brother:in:law's.
 DIANE: So I guess that puts you back at square one.
 COLUMBO: Yes miss, I guess it does.
 DIANE: But if it isn't the Strangler, then who would go out of
their way to perform a copycat killing on Ray?
 COLUMBO [Nonchalantly]: I've been wondering about that too,
Miss Hunter.
 DIANE [Her expression grows taut]:I see. Does that mean I've
become a suspect again?
 COLUMBO [Seems amused]: What makes you think I'd consider you
a suspect?
 DIANE: Really Lieutenant, I wish you wouldn't treat me like a
fool. You told me you had some suspicions about the time of
death. Now that you know the Strangler didn't do it, aren't
you going back to that theory?
 COLUMBO: Well until I find that remote control Miss Hunter, I
can't be satisfied that Dr.  Flemming stepped on his watch.
 DIANE: Then find it Lieutenant. Find it so you can stop having
your doubts about me, and start realizing that you have a
copycat killer on your hands.
 COLUMBO: You know Miss Hunter, I wish you wouldn't get the idea
that I think you had something to do with Dr.  Flemming's
death. I'm just trying to put all the pieces together.
 DIANE: Well since you know it wasn't the Strangler, then here's
another piece for you to consider. [Brief pause for effect]
Have you found out where Joan Hudson was the night Ray was
killed?
 COLUMBO: Who?
 DIANE: Come on Lieutenant. You know who I mean. Joan Hudson.
Ray's partner in crime.
 COLUMBO [Holds up his arm] : Right, right. But what does she
have to do with this case?
 DIANE: Ray tried to call her last week, Lieutenant. He wanted
to apologize to her just like he apologized to me. And she
promptly hung:up on him.
 COLUMBO: That's very interesting Miss Hunter, but I don't see::
 DIANE: Lieutenant, she has the perfect motive. According to
Ray, her life has been a shambles ever since she got out of
prison for being his accessory.  And unlike me, Lieutenant,
she evidently hadn't put her bitterness behind her.
 COLUMBO: Is that a fact.
 DIANE: It is a fact Lieutenant. Now if you really are such a
brililant detective, you'll find out where she was the other
night, and ask her what she was doing. [The elevator doors
open and she steps in] Good day, Lieutenant. [The doors
close]
 COLUMBO [Trying to take in this new information]: Good day.
 [Turns around and head's back to LLOYD'S office. Cut to
LLOYD, busily at work. He looks up and sees COLUMBO enter]
 LLOYD: Yes Lieutenant? Anything I can do for you?
 COLUMBO: I just need a few more bookkeeping details for the
records Mr.  McCracken.
 LLOYD: Very well. Anything in particular?
 COLUMBO: Well since I haven't got any suspects, I thought I'd
take a wild stab by asking you about Dr.  Flemming's will.
 LLOYD: Oh yes, we're reading that the day after tomorrow.
 COLUMBO: Is there anyone mentioned in it besides Miss Hunter?
 LLOYD [Smirks]: Yes Lieutenant, but I don't think they'll be
much good as suspects. His cash goes to the Prison
Fellowship Ministry, and everything else that doesn't go
to DIANE goes to Chaplain Newton.
 COLUMBO [Sits down and pulls out a cigar]: Who's Chaplain
Newton?
 LLOYD [Holding up a finger]: Ah Lieutenant, I told you
the other day, I don't let anyone smoke in my office.
 COLUMBO: Oh right. Sorry sir, didn't meant to do that. [Puts
cigar back in pocket] But anyway, getting back to this
Chaplain Newton.
 LLOYD: He used to be the prison chaplain at San Quentin. He's
the one who introduced Ray to religion and got him on the
road to reform.
 COLUMBO: Oh the prison chaplain, right. I remember him in the
book. What do you know about him?
 LLOYD [Shrugs] : A wonderful guy as I remember. I've only met
him a few times, but he and Ray were still in touch with eachother.
 COLUMBO: Does he still work at San Quentin?
 LLOYD: No, not since last month. He just became pastor of a
church here in Los Angeles. That's where the funeral's being
held tomorrow.
 COLUMBO: I'll need to talk to him. [Phone rings and LLOYD
picks it up]
 LLOYD: Hello? Oh, yes he is. [Hands it to COLUMBO]It's for
you, Lieutenant.
 COLUMBO: Yeah?Oh you have?[Pause]Isn't that something.
I'll be right over. No, it's important I be there. But I'll
need to make a stop someplace else first. You just keep
everything secure. [Hangs up]
 LLOYD: Anything important, Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO [Gets up]: Just might be, Mr.  McCracken. Just might.
 

SCENE SIXTEEN: A local video store. The manager, a casually
 dressed man of twenty:five enters from the back when he
 sees COLUMBO enter.
 MIKE: Lieutenant, good to see you.
 COLUMBO: Hi Mike.
 MIKE: I was just thinking about you right now. They're
showing one of your movies on TV and I'm having it taped.
 COLUMBO: One of my movies?
 MIKE [Grins]: A movie that has an actor you put away for
murder.
 COLUMBO: [Suddenly chuckles] Oh yeah. Yeah. Who's in this
one?
 MIKE: Grace Wheeler, the musical star. The one who shot her
husband and made it look like suicide.
 COLUMBO: Oh yeah, that was a tragic one. But I never exactly
put her away. She died without ever being arrested.
 MIKE: You solved the case, didn't you? Anyway, what brings
you here? Looking for another old gangster picture to watch with
Mrs. Columbo?
 COLUMBO: Oh no, I'm not here to rent anything, Mike. I just
want to know if you can help me with a current case.
 MIKE: How?
 COLUMBO: Whatta you know about remote control devices?
Specifically, universal remote controls. Something that
controls a TV and a VCR.
 MIKE [Shrugs]: They're a popular item lately. Convenient
when you've got more than one piece of equipment. The
thing is, they have to be set up just right.
 COLUMBO: How?
 MIKE: Well a universal remote needs to be set to the
particular brand of TV or VCR that it's supposed to control.
You have to program a special code for say, a Panasonic
TV, and another one for a Sony TV. Likewise, there are
different codes for different brands of VCR's as well.
 COLUMBO: Meaning you can't just buy one off the shelf, load it
with batteries, and then it works?
 MIKE: Not without those codes programmed.
 COLUMBO: Well that's a big help, Mike. Thanks a lot.
 MIKE: No problem, Lieutenant. [A loud clicking sound suddenly
goes off in the background and a wave of horror comes over
his face.] Oh no! [He dashed off toward the back]
 COLUMBO [Follows him]: Somethin' wrong?
[They enter the back. A musical is playing on TV. MIKE
 shrugs his shoulders in disgust as he eyes the VCR in
 disgust]
 MIKE: Damn!
 COLUMBO: What happened?
 MIKE: I was editing the commercials and I forgot to start
up the machine again!
 COLUMBO: I don't understand.
 MIKE [Calmer] : Well you see Lieutenant, whenever I tape a
program off television, I always cut out the commercials
as I go along.
 COLUMBO: Oh I get it. That way, you've got no commercials
to zap through when you play the tape back.
 MIKE: Yes, you hit the pause button when the commerical
comes up and when the program resumes you hit pause
again.
 COLUMBO: Well if you forget about it, then wouldn't it start up
automatically?
 MIKE: No, they're not designed that way Lieutenant. If you
forget to hit pause again, then the VCR shuts off after
five minutes. Stops completely.
 COLUMBO: Oh is that how it works?Gee I never realized that.
 MIKE: Yeah. [Shakes his head with sadness]Pity. I really
needed that movie for my collection.
 COLUMBO [Looks out at the rows of tapes on the store shelf]:
They ain't put that one out yet?
 MIKE: Nope. I always got to wait until its on TV. Finding
movies with performers you've been involved with is not
an easy task, Lieutenant. Not just the Grace Wheeler
musicals and the Nora Chandler dramas, but there's also
the bit part roles Joan Hudson did. Those are the most
difficult to find.
 COLUMBO: Funny you should mention her name. Someone else
has reminded me of it too.
 MIKE: Any particular reason?
 COLUMBO: Yeah, but in the end I don't think its gonna
matter. Thanks again Mike. You've been a big help.
 

SCENE SIXTEEN: Ray's house. COLUMBO enters and promptly comes up
to CLAY.
 CLAY: Oh Lieutenant, I was wondering when you'd get here.
 COLUMBO: I know, sorry. But you found a remote control, right?
 CLAY: Yes.
 COLUMBO: I figured you would. Now what kind of a remote is it?
 CLAY: Well it's one of those universal remotes. You know, the
kind that controls the TV and the VCR.
 COLUMBO: I figured that too.
 CLAY: Well Lieutenant, I guess this completely rules out your
theory about the watch.
 COLUMBO: Not yet Sergeant. Not yet.
 CLAY: I don't follow you.
 COLUMBO: Sergeant, did you test the remote on the set?
 CLAY [Frowning] : No. Didn't seem like there was any reason
to.
 COLUMBO: Well why don't we just test it out. It hasn't
been handled, has it?
 CLAY: It's still where we found it. Hasn't been moved.
 COLUMBO: Okay.  [Goes over to the sofa, pulls out a
handkerchief and carefully retrieves it. He sets it
down on the table next to the sofa so it's pointed at the
TV.  He then fumbles inside his pockets and looks at CLAY]
You gotta':: [Before he can finish, CLAY hands him a pencil]
Thanks. [Holds it over the remote and gently lowers the
eraser end on to the power button]If I'm right, this
thing isn't going to work. [He presses the eraser on to the
button as hard as he can.  Abruptly, the set goes on. ]
 CLAY: Well Lieutenant, it seems to work just fine.
 COLUMBO [Frowning in disbelief]: I don't believe it.
 CLAY: There goes your theory, Lieutenant. Sorry the boys
caused all this trouble by not finding it sooner.
 COLUMBO [Totally dumbfounded]: This can't be. It just can't
be.
 CLAY: Why not, Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO: Well according to my theory, the remote wouldn't be
the genuine one, and that would mean. . . . [Raises his arm]
Sergeant, can you have this dusted for prints?
 CLAY [Totally dubious]: Prints?
 COLUMBO: Yeah, prints. Go over this, and find out if Dr.
Flemming's prints are on this. That's got to be it.
[CLAY picks it up with the handkerchief as COLUMBO folds
his arm and contemplates]It has to be it.
 

SCENE SEVENTEEN: DIANE's house. She enters and quickly goes over
 to the bar to fix herself a drink.
 DIANE [Feeling smug as she pours a flask of bourbon into a
glass]: Well Lieutenant COLUMBO, after twenty-six years
you've lost your touch. You're up against someone who knows
your methods inside out. You'll never have any proof.
Never. [She takes a deep swallow] And now I'm home free.
Free at last. Free to move on. [She puts her glass down and
goes over to the phone, picks it up and dials. She puts
her hand on her hip as she waits] Hello is Mr. Randolph in?
Well could I talk to him? It's really important. Well you
see, I'm his wife. Yes, I'll wait. [She nervously twirls
her thumb around the cord as she waits] Hello, Paul?
 [We see in a downtown office, PAUL RANDOLPH, DIANE's ex:
husband. He is an attractive man in his early fifties]
 PAUL [Clearly surprised to hear from her]: Diane? Why are
you calling?
 DIANE [Sounding like an awkward schoolgirl]: Been a while,
hasn't it?
 PAUL: Two years. And quite frankly Diane, I expected it to
be longer.
 DIANE: Look Paul, please. Let's not talk about that. That's
all done with. Can't we be civil to each other? Please?
 PAUL [Softens slightly]: How civil?
 DIANE: Civil enough for you and me to have lunch today? It'd
mean a lot to me. I need to talk to somebody.
 PAUL [Pauses slightly. He is reluctant, but despite the
bitter divorce he has always known he still loves her]:
I got a better idea. How about dinner? I'll pick you up
and take you to Sammy's.
 DIANE [Her grip on the phone tightens as a surge of
exhilaration goes through her]: I'd love that.
 PAUL: I'll be by at six.
 DIANE:I'll be waiting for you. [pause]I know we'll have a
good time, won't we?
 PAUL: I hope so. Goodbye DIANE.
 DIANE: Goodbye.  [She hangs up and collapses on to the sofa
with a look of pure ecstacy. She reaches over for another
drink]Carol's been avenged and now you can make up with
the only man you ever loved. This calls for another drink.
[She pours it and holds it up] To me. And to my eternal
happiness. [She drinks]
COMMERCIAL
 

SCENE EIGHTEEN: Headquarters. COLUMBO enters office area where
a beaming CLAY is sitting at a desk.
CLAY: They can't stop talking about the break in the Strangler
 murders, Lieutenant. The whole:::
COLUMBO: [Holds an arm up]Never mind that. I'm more
 interested in the one unsolved murder we've got. Did you
 get the report back from Prints?
CLAY [With a faint aura of disdain]: Yes, Lieutenant. Dr.
 Flemming's prints are all over the remote control.
 [COLUMBO frowns in amazement and settles into his chair.
He puts his hand to his forehead as if he can't believe
it. ]
COLUMBO: Doesn't make any sense. None of it does. If this
 is really true, then it's a total dead:end. Not one suspect
 to draw from.  [He keeps staring off into space, lost in
 thought]
CLAY: Lieutenant?
COLUMBO: Yeah?
CLAY: I hate to say this, but it could be we've got a second
 Strangler on our hands who's just as nutty as the first one.
 Maybe the culprit is someone Danny Duranty's mingled with, and
 already knows about his methods.
COLUMBO [shakes his head]: Just about anyone who reads the
 papers knows about the Strangler's methods. That's the
 problem. [phone rings. He picks it up] Hello? Yeah this
 is COLUMBO. What? Look I don't understand, I checked out
 this morning. No, I'm not staying tonight. I'm going back
 to my house because my wife'll be back tomorrow. But I'm
 tellin' you, I checked out. [pause] Oh, well I guess I didn't
 check out then, if I didn't sign those things. Oh the key?
 Geez I: [runs his hand through his raincoat and pulls out a
 motel key] Yep, I've still got it. Okay, I'll be by this
 afternoon and take care of that. Yeah. Oh. This doesn't
 mean I get charged for today, does it?Oh it does?Eleven
 AM deadline, I see. No I guess, I have to. Right. Bye.
 [Hangs up. CLAY is looking at him with a bemused expression]
I'll tell ya, these motels are a real pain. Next time I have
 my house painted, I'll just open the window and live with it.
CLAY: Sound thinking, Lieutenant.
COLUMBO: Yeah.  [Goes back to his concentrating. Then he
 carefully draws himself up] Guess I've got no other choice.
CLAY: You thought of something, Lieutenant?
COLUMBO: Yeah, I'll need you to get in touch with the actor's
 union. I need you to look up a name.
 

SCENE EIGHTEEN: COLUMBO standing in the corridor of a lower:class
aparatment house. He knocks on the door.
COLUMBO: Mrs.  Bloom? [Knocks again ]Mrs.  Bloom?
 [The door opens. MRS.  JOAN BLOOM is in her late forties.
She is dressed in a simple housedress, and looks as if
her most beautiful days are well behind her]
JOAN: Yes?
COLUMBO: I'm with the LAPD, Mrs.  Bloom.
JOAN: [Expression not changing] Is there anything I can do for
 you?
COLUMBO: You don't recognize me, Mrs.  Bloom?
JOAN: Should I?
COLUMBO [pointed]: I would think you ought to, Miss Hudson.
JOAN [A mirthless smile comes over her face]: I guess I'm not
 as good an actress as I used to be, Lieutenant Columbo.
 Come on in.
COLUMBO: Thank you, I'll try not to take up much of your time.
 [He enters and looks about. The apartment's decor is seedy,
and the atmosphere one of uncleanliness]
JOAN: I know why you're here, Lieutenant.
COLUMBO: Do you.
JOAN: Yes Lieutenant. I'm the woman who helped Ray Flemming
 kill his wife. I was the beautiful young actress who had
 a wild thing going with him, and who drove him to murder.
 I was, as you put it, the weak link, who you got to turn
 against Ray and testify at his trial in exchange for a
 light sentence of five years for condoning a felony. And
 now Ray has been murdered, and you've gone to the trouble of
 tracking me down to find out if I just might have something
 to do with it.
COLUMBO: That's exactly right, Mrs.  Bloom.
JOAN [Throws him a dirty look]: Lieutenant, would you mind
 telling me why I'd be crazy enough to do something like that?
COLUMBO: Mrs.  Bloom, is it true that Dr. Flemming called you
 last week?
JOAN: How did you find out about that?
COLUMBO: Never mind that. Did he call you?
JOAN [Sighs]: Yes, he did.
COLUMBO: What did you and he talk about?
JOAN [Coldly]: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The minute I
 realized it was him, I hung up and that was the end of it.
COLUMBO: That's all there was? You just hung up on him?
JOAN: Why should I have talked to him? [Turns away] Because
 of Ray Flemming, I spent five years in prison and saw my
 life ruined forever. When I got out, it didn't take me
 long to realize that I'd never get another acting job again.
 Not even in grade Z porno flicks. Who in their right mind
 would want to hire Joan Hudson? The little girl who helped
 her lover do away with his wife because she was naive enough
to think he actually loved her? [Looks back] The only thing
 I'd ever trained myself for was acting. When I got out, there
 wasn't a single thing I could do. So how did I spend the next
 twenty years?
COLUMBO: Mrs.  Bloom, I already know what you did. You quietly
 disappeared, married a construction worker and had two
 children who have now left home.
JOAN: And do you want to know something, Lieutenant? I've
 hated every minute of it. My husband is a lush, my kids are
 dropout losers, and the only way I can get by is by working
 ten hours a day as a waitress in that miserable coffee shop
 downstairs. And I have Ray Flemming to thank for all this.
 That's why I hung up on him.
COLUMBO: Dr. Flemming was calling to apologize to you.
JOAN: A simple "I'm sorry" could never undo what Ray did to me.
 That bastard didn't even love me. He did it all for his
 wife's money, and he would have gladly killed me too by the
 time I'd outlived my usefulness.
COLUMBO: And would you have gladly killed him, Mrs.  Bloom?
JOAN: [Smiles and shakes her head] Nice try, Lieutenant. But
 I work at that coffee shop from three in the afternoon until
 it closes at one in the morning.  And even if I wasn't
 working, I don't possess the means to get all the way from
 here to that luxury neighborhood he lives in.
COLUMBO: No, I don't suppose you do.
JOAN: Then does this mean I won't be seeing you again?
COLUMBO: I guess not. Sorry to have bothered you. [Turns to
 go and then stops. ]Mrs.  Bloom, I think I'd better say
 something to you. It's got nothing to do with the case, it's
 just about Dr.  Flemming.
JOAN: What else do I need to know?
COLUMBO: Only to tell you that he wasn't responsible for
 everything that happened to you. It was your decision to
 go along with his murder scheme when the first thing you
 should have done was call the police and tell us that you knew
 he was going to kill his wife. And whatever's happened to you
 since you got out of prison, that's not his fault either.
 That's your own. Maybe what your whole problem is Miss
 Hudson, is that you haven't learned to accept the consequences
 for your own actions. Well Dr.  Flemming did learn. And
 that's why he got out of prison in a lot better shape than
 you did.  [Lowers his head and reaches for the knob] Well, I
 guess I've babbled on long enough and there's nothing else
 for me to say. Goodbye Mrs. Bloom. Nice seeing you again.
[He closes the door and is gone. Leaving JOAN to quietly
 lower her head in sad contemplation]
 

SCENE NINETEEN: An elegant restaurant in Los Angeles. DIANE,
 looking stunning in a chic black outfit, is having drinks
 at a table with her ex-husband PAUL.
 PAUL: You look beautiful, DIANE.
 DIANE: Thank you. You always liked this outfit best, didn't
you?
 PAUL [smiles]: Yes, and I haven't failed to notice that your
hairstyle is also my favorite, and so is your perfume.
 DIANE: I'm glad I remembered right.
 PAUL: Hard to believe you and I are having dinner together at
our old spot, talking civil to each other.
 DIANE: Doesn't time have a way of healing wounds, Paul?
 PAUL: I suppose so. It certainly did for you and Ray,
didn't it?
 DIANE [Nods and wipes her eyes]: It did.
 PAUL: Then I guess there's no reason why it shouldn't for us.
[pauses] I've really missed you, you know.
 DIANE: I've missed you too. [sighs] But I know I've only
had myself to blame for that. I want to say this to your
face, Paul. I ruined our marriage. Me and my angry
woman crusades about Ray made me a sick person. And I'm so
sorry I hurt you.
 PAUL [reaches over and squeezes her hand]: Don't. You don't
need to say anything, Diane. That's all over.
 DIANE: I know it is. I've. . . I've tried to change myself,
I... [looks him dead in the eye] Paul is it too late for us
to get back together? [there is a brief silence] Paul, I
need you. Now that Ray's gone you're the only person left I
care about. And I still love you.
 PAUL [smiles]: Diane, I have remained madly in love with you
ever since the day of our divorce. Even so, a year ago I
would have said no.  [DIANE tenses] But I'll tell you
something, Diane. I've read about how you and Ray patched
things up, and all the things you did for him and that's all
I need to know that you've really changed yourself.
 DIANE: I've learned a lot about myself Paul.
 PAUL [his expression turns coy]: In that case, I think I'd
like to spend the night getting to know the new you.
 [DIANE looks exhilarated as they clink their glasses
together. They are gazing at each other with near
moonstruck expressions]
 COLUMBO (o. c): Oh Miss Hunter?
[DIANE looks up in disgust as she sees COLUMBO get up from
 a table on the other side of the restaurant and make his
 way over to her]
 DIANE [Calmly]: Lieutenant, it's quite an unexpected surprise
seeing you here.
 COLUMBO: Oh well it's just a coincidence that I'm having dinner
here.
 DIANE [With mild sarcasm]: I'm sure it is.
 COLUMBO: No really, it is. You see Sammy's has been one of
my favorite Italian restaurants for years. I never miss
one of his monthly specials. Say it looks like that's
what you're having now. [Leans down and smells her entree]
Linguini and alfredo sauce.
 DIANE: Yes.
 COLUMBO: Good choice. Real good choice. Me, I cook a little
myself, and no matter how many times I use their recipe I
can never duplicate what they do here.
 DIANE [Trying to regain her composure]: Ah, Lieutenant, I'd
like you to meet Paul Randolph. Paul, this is Lieuteant
Columbo. He's investigating Ray's murder.
 PAUL [Reaches out and shakes hands]: Lieutenant.
 COLUMBO: Mr.  Randolph, nice to meet you. [Steps back] You
know, I'm pretty sure we've never met but there's something
familiar about your name:::
 DIANE [Barely able to conceal her exasperation]: Paul is my
ex-husband, Lieutenant.
 COLUMBO: Oh yeah. Right. Right. Really sorry, I didn't mean
to pry or anything like that.
 PAUL [Staring at him in amazement]: Quite all right
Lieutenant. Ah, DIANE if you'll excuse me for a minute,
I need to call the office. [He rises from the booth and
 leaves. When he is gone, DIANE hurls her napkin down on
 the table in disgust]
 DIANE: Lieutenant, this is the most important dinner of my
life.
 COLUMBO: Look I'm really sorry if I've cut in on you at a
bad moment. I know I have a habit of making a pest of
myself.
 DIANE: Indeed you do, Lieutenant. Now perhaps I should let
you know, that Paul is the one whom I mentioned that I am
still in love with, and who I have wanted back for two years.
And today Lieutenant, I finally found the strength to break
down two years of silence between us and I will not allow
you to disrupt it any further. So tell me what you have to
say, and get out of here.
 COLUMBO: Right, I promise I'll keep it quick. First, I should
tell you that I found Joan Hudson.
 DIANE: Did you?
 COLUMBO: Yes, and she has an airtight alibi. It was a good
suggestion Miss Hunter. She has a motive, but no means or
opportunity.
 DIANE: I'm sorry to hear that. I really thought she might be
the one.
 COLUMBO: Oh and another thing. My men found the remote
control. And it matches Dr.  Flemming'sTV set, so I guess
that means he stepped on his watch after all.
 DIANE [Looking unfazed]: Meaning, Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO [Sighs]: Meaning that I've got my worst-case scenario
to deal with. A copycat Strangler who's probably just as
nutty as the first one. The last thing I need is a whole
year to figure out who this one is.
 DIANE: I sympathize with your plight, Lieutenant. I really do.
 COLUMBO: Well I won't be bothering you any longer. I'll just
get lost and let you get back to your dinner.  [Turns to go]
 DIANE [Feeling relieved]: Thank you.
 COLUMBO: Oh one more thing.  [DIANE nearly drops her water
glass] Did I hear you right when you said today was the
first day you'd talked to Mr. Randolph in two years?
 DIANE: The answer is yes, and why that should be of any concern
to you Lieutenant is something I'll never understand.
 COLUMBO: Sorry. Really sorry. Enjoy the rest of your dinner.
Goobye Miss Hunter.
 DIANE: Goodbye. [She lets out an agitated sigh of relief just
as PAUL returns and sits down]
 PAUL: Sorry about that. [He looks at her and notices her
rattled expression] Diane, are you all right?
 DIANE [Quickly shaking herself out of her stupor]: I'm fine
Paul, I'm fine. It's just that talking about that case is so
upsetting. I just want to forget about it for now. Let's
get back to us.
 PAUL: Of course. [He raises his glass] I know you and I have a
lot of catching up to do.
 DIANE [Visibly relaxed now, she smiles and raises her glass
too]: We certainly do.
 [SLOW DISSOLVE to the two of them entering DIANE's
house. They look at each other with longing expressions
and meet in a passionate kiss and embrace. SLOW DISSOLVE
to the two of them making love in bed. Another DISSOLVE
shows them several hours later, wrapped in each other's arms
and thoroughly contented]
 PAUL: Do you want me to come to the funeral tomorrow?
 DIANE [nods]: Yes. I could use the support.
 PAUL [kisses her tenderly]: You'll be getting all the support
you need from now on.  [pause]And if there's anything I can
do to help find out about Ray's killer. . . .
 DIANE [interrupts]: Paul, I'm not going on anymore crusades.
There's nothing I can do except let the police handle it.
I've got to do what I didn't let myself do before, and that's
get on with my life. Nothing I do will bring back Ray, and
that's all there is to it.
 PAUL [Smiles]: That's the right attitude. You have changed.
[They kiss and make love again]
 

SCENE TWENTY: A church, where RAY's funeral is being held.
DIANE is sitting in the front row dressed in black. PAUL's
arm is wrapped around her. There are two dozen other people
present. At the front, a clearly distraught CHAPLAIN NEWTON
is delivering the eulogy.
CHAPLAIN:. . . This is a difficult time for all of us, who
 knew what kind of man Ray Flemming was. Those of us who
 knew him prior to the tragedy of February 20, 1968 saw Ray
 in all the stages of his life. Distinguished psychiatrist,
 then cold:blooded murderer, prisoner, and finally a
 messenger of redemption and hope. And it is this last phase
 of his life that deserves our greatest attention, because
 it speaks volumes of what the Bible teaches all of us about
 how no one, not even the worst kind of sinner can:::
[As he goes on, there is a slight stir as COLUMBO makes his
 way into the sanctuary. Everyone seated turns their head
 and frowns at the sight of the unkempt detective. CHAPLAIN
 NEWTON stops in mid:sentence and tries to maintain his
 composure. DIANE stares at him with a scowl until he
 finally finds a seat on the aisle right next to her]
COLUMBO [whispering in embarrassment]: Sorry. Really sorry.
DIANE:[nods curtly and whispers back]Of course.
CHAPLAIN [resuming]: ...can ultimately be denied the glory of
 entering in to the joy of God's Kingdom. Yes, Ray's sins
 were many. And yes, he had to atone for those sins in this
 life. But I know that today, he knows the joy that those
 sins have been washed clean. And that he has been able
 to enter into the glory of Heaven. That is the real lesson
 to draw from his life. May none of us ever forget his
 example. [The organist begins to play "Amazing Grace", as
 CHAPLAIN NEWTON wipes away a tear and steps down in front of
 the casket. The other pallbearers rise and they carry it
 out. Once they've left, the people rise and begin to exit
 the narthex]
COLUMBO: I'm really sorry I barged in like that, Miss Hunter.
 If my wife's plane from Tucson hadn't been an hour late,
 I wouldn't have had to come in like this.
DIANE: Lieutenant, why are you here?
COLUMBO: Well, I guess you could say I sort of felt an
 obligation to be here.
DIANE: You're not here to ask me more questions?
COLUMBO: No miss, I'm not. The only person I'm here to talk
 to is Chaplain Newton. Did he give the eulogy?
DIANE: Yes.
COLUMBO: I wish I'd heard the whole thing. That was really
 beautiful.
DIANE: It was. He's a powerful speaker.  [Sighs]I suppose
 I can consider myself fortunate that there are people
 like Chaplain Newton to help get me through this ordeal.
PAUL [Taking her by the arm]: And me too, Diane. Me too.
DIANE [To COLUMBO]: Lieutenant, in appreciation for the
 help you've given me I'd like you to be the first to
 know that Paul and I are getting married again.
COLUMBO: Really?Well that's terrific Miss Hunter. I'm
 glad for the both of you.
PAUL: As soon as we've finished paying our respects to Ray,
 DIANE and I are leaving tonight for a much needed vaction.
COLUMBO: I hope the two of you have fun.
DIANE: Lieutenant, since this will be the last time for
 a while, is there anything new?
COLUMBO [Shakes his head]: No. I'm afraid not.
DIANE: I see. Well we have to be going Lieutenant. Come on
 Paul.
 [They walk out of the sanctuary, his arm wrapped
protectively around her waist. COLUMBO eyes them
for a minute and then walks out too. ]
 [In the narthex, CHAPLAIN NEWTON is greeting all of the
mourners as they leave. PAUL and DIANE come up to him.
She stops to hug him in an expression of mutual sympathy]
DIANE: Thank you for everything, Jack.
CHAPLAIN [Nods sadly as he lets her go]: Of course.
 Goodbye DIANE.
DIANE: God bless.  [She and Paul exit the church. COLUMBO
 then makes his way up to the CHAPLAIN]
COLUMBO: Excuse me, Chaplain?Sorry to bother you.
CHAPLAIN: Do I know you?
COLUMBO: No, we've never met. I'm Lieutenant COLUMBO of
 the LAPD.
CHAPLAIN [His eyes widen]: Columbo? Good Lord, are you the
 one?
COLUMBO: Well yes, I am the one who arrested Dr.  Flemming if
 that's what you mean.
CHAPLAIN [Impulsively shakes his hand]: Lieutenant this is
 a great honor. I've heard so much about you for so long.
COLUMBO: Well thank you sir. Look, I want to tell you that
 was really powerful stuff you said. Great job.
CHAPLAIN: Thank you.
COLUMBO [Looks about at the dissipating throng]: Ah, look I
 hope I'm not bothering you or anything, but do you think you
 and me could talk in some place private?
CHAPLAIN [Motions him toward stairs]: Not at all. I have an
 office upstairs. Come with me.
 

SCENE TWENTY-ONE: DIANE and PAUL are sitting in the back of the
 limousine taking them back to town. She is looking ahead with
 a stoic expression. PAUL then looks at her and with a
 concerned look reaches over and squeezes her hand.
PAUL: You gonna be all right?
DIANE: I feel fine already. [Sighs] Nothing more to do
 except move on. Close another sad chapter of my life and
 just move on.
[PAUL lifts her hand up and kisses it. She looks at him
 with gratitude and they come together in a tender kiss
 and embrace]
 

SCENE TWENTY-TWO: CHAPLAIN NEWTON'S office.
It is a spacious room  lined with two bookshelves.
On the top shelf are a row of  videotapes. Next to
the desk is a TV/VCR console.
CHAPLAIN: It's just so hard to believe something this
 horrible could happen. Just when Ray had finally gotten
 the chance to do the things he'd wanted to do for so long.
COLUMBO: Yes sir, I can imagine that. I just want to say
 Chaplain, that I really admire you for what you were
 able to do for Dr.  Flemming.
CHAPLAIN: You know he spoke about you quite often,
 Lieutenant. As a matter of fact, one thing he wanted
 to do once he was out was to thank you personally for
 having sent him to prison. He always said that if you
 hadn't been such a brilliant detective, then he never
 would have been caught, and while he might have guaranteed
 himself twenty-five years of freedom in this life, it
 would have also guaranteed no freedom in the next life.
COLUMBO: I wish I'd had the chance to meet him.
CHAPLAIN: I suppose I can take some comfort that he was
 able to fix things up with Diane. That was the one thing
 he wanted to do more than anything else.
COLUMBO: Yeah from what I hear, he sent quite a few letters
 to her over the years.
CHAPLAIN: He wrote her every week for ten years. Over and
 over. And everytime, he and I would sit and pray together
 and hope that a miracle would happen some day, and that
 God would open Diane's heart and let a reconciliation
 happen. [sighs and smiles]And eight months ago, the
 miracle happened. I'll never forget how Ray just cried
 on my shoulder all night thanking God that this could
 happen. He considered it even more important than his
 being paroled.
COLUMBO [sighs and feeling glum about what he has to say]:
 Chaplain, I wish it had been a miracle. But I'm afraid it
 wasn't.
CHAPLAIN [Frowns]: What are you talking about?
COLUMBO: I think Diane Hunter killed Dr. Flemming.
 [There is a stunned reaction on CHAPLAIN NEWTON's face. ]
 I think the whole reconciliation bit was a fraud from the
 day she wrote that letter to him eight months ago. I
 think she hatched a scheme to kill him right from the
 beginning and blame it all on the Midnight Strangler.
CHAPLAIN: You. . . that's. . . that can't be.
COLUMBO: That's what I think it is. Only the problem is I
 don't have any proof. Just hunches.
CHAPLAIN: But, but this is impossible. I've seen Diane,
 and talked with her and everything. I've always felt
 in my heart that she's changed.
COLUMBO: She's a very charming woman, Chaplain. But I'm
 afraid my instincts tell me that she did it.
CHAPLAIN [Shakes his head. He looks as if he's been hit
 with a club]: I just can't believe it.
COLUMBO: I wish it were true sir. But here are some things
 you should know. As recently as a year:and:a:half
 ago, she was still carrying on her vendetta against Dr.
 Flemming. Then six months later, she learns that Dr.
 Flemming is going to be released from prison. Now I did
 some checking with the newspaper files, and I found out
 that the story about his release appeared in the Times on
 the same day they also had a magazine piece called "Patterns
 of the Midnight Strangler," an article I might add that
 she was able to quote verbatim from to me the other day.
 Then, suddenly after ten years of never responding, she
 writes her letter telling him that she wants to make up.
CHAPLAIN: Coincidence.
COLUMBO: There's more. She ends up buying a house for him
 that's within walking distance of her own. And the day
 after his murder, she suddenly starts acting like a woman
 who's just had a burden removed and is now working for a
 clean slate. I found her visiting her sister's grave, now
 why would she do a thing like that on the spur of the moment
 if she really forgave him?Even more interesting, I found
 out that she wouldn't let Dr.  Flemming be buried next to his
 wife. Why would she have stopped that if she'd really
 forgiven him?
CHAPLAIN [Slow look of agonized disbelief comes over his
 face]: Well Lieutenant, wait a minute now, why should it
 matter where Ray's buried?I didn't think there was
 anything wrong with doing it at Forrest Lawn.
COLUMBO: But that was her idea wasn't it?
CHAPLAIN: Well. . . yes.
COLUMBO: Why not next to his wife?I mean, I've read the
 book. Dr.  Flemming was very remorseful about killing his
 wife wasn't he?
CHAPLAIN: Yes.
COLUMBO: So if his wife's sister really forgave him, why
 wouldn't she let him be buried next to the woman he once
 loved?[Shakes his head]I think it's because no matter
 how much of a phony facade she could muster to make like
 she'd forgiven him, her conscience wouldn't stand for
 seeing him buried next to her sister.
CHAPLAIN [Incredulously]: And because of this, you suspect
 Diane?
COLUMBO: Oh there's a lot more sir. Why does she suddenly
 cancel all her engagements and contracts and say that she
 doesn't want to do any more work for Dr.  Flemming's cause?
 Not what I'd call the mark of someone who claims to love and
 admire what the Doc was trying to do. And then last night,
 I notice that she's suddenly talking with her ex:husband for
 the first time in two years. Again, that strikes me more
 like the behavior of someone who's just had a burden lifted
 and not someone who's going through a genuine personal tragedy.
CHAPLAIN [Shakes his head]: That hardly makes her a
 murderer, Lieutenant.
COLUMBO: Well there are other things too Chaplain, but I'll
 admit that none of it adds up to any real proof. I just
 felt you were entitled to hear my suspicions at this point.
 Now the only way you can dispel them is to tell me if Dr.
 Flemming made any enemies in prison who might have had a
 reason to kill him.
CHAPLAIN [Again shakes his head]: No. Ray was a model
 prisoner even before I converted him. He was the one
 everyone else looked up to. [Turns in his chair and
 looks at the row of tapes on the shelf] He used to run
 a Bible study for the other prisoners because he wanted
 to show them that prison didn't mean the end of life.
 [COLUMBO's gaze shifts to the tapes and he frowns]
 That they could find redemption too and...
COLUMBO: Excuse me Chaplain, sorry to interrupt. What are
 those things on the top shelf you're looking at?
CHAPLAIN: Oh. Those are videotapes of interviews Ray and I
 did on television over the last few years since the book
 came out. Interviews done in prison and since he got out.
 He was always interested in having them.
COLUMBO: Really.
CHAPLAIN: Oh yes.  As a matter of fact, Ray was always
 fascinated by the ability to look at things over
 and over again. That's why I made copies of these and
 gave them to him when he got his own place.
 [COLUMBO is looking at them in deep concentration.  His
face then flashes as a sudden realization occurrs to him]
COLUMBO: Of course. Why didn't I think of that before?
CHAPLAIN [Frowns]: Lieutenant?
COLUMBO [Rises]: Chaplain, I want to thank you for your
 time. Again, my deepest sympathy to you.
CHAPLAIN: Lieutenant?
COLUMBO: Yes?
CHAPLAIN: Have I dispelled those suspicions of yours?
COLUMBO [Shakes his head sadly]: I'm afraid not.
CHAPLAIN [Lowers his head]: Then it's my fault for having
 trusted her.
COLUMBO [Puts his hand on his arm]: No no Chaplain.
 Don't blame yourself for what happened. Only one
 person is responsible for this, and she's the only one
 who needs to feel any guilt.
 

SCENE TWENTY-THREE: DIANE's house. She and PAUL are both packing
 their suitcases for what looks to be a long, extended trip.
PAUL: Don't take too much longer. We've got to be at the
 airport by nine.
DIANE: I'm just making sure that I've got all the bare
 necessities for Acapulco.  [She holds up a thin, skimpy
 black negligee]How about this?
PAUL [Smiles and wraps his arms around her]: Ooh la la,
 I approve.  [Kisses her on the neck] Mmmmm, this is going
 to be perfect. Two weeks at the best hotel on the beach.
DIANE: Kind of like a second honeymoon for us both.
PAUL: Then shouldn't we go ahead with the second marriage?
DIANE [Looks into his eyes]: As far as I'm concerned, our
 first wedding is still valid.
PAUL [Smiles]: I love you, DIANE.
DIANE: I love you.  [They kiss passionately. It goes on for
 a minute when the doorbell rings]I'll get it.  [She goes
 down the stairs to the door, opens it and does a double:
 take when she sees COLUMBO]
COLUMBO: Good evening Miss Hunter.
DIANE: Lieutenant, what are you doing here?
COLUMBO: Sorry to bother you, Miss Hunter, I know this has
 been a difficult day for you. . .
PAUL [Calling down]: Who is it?
DIANE [Sounding annoyed]:The pest from the police!
PAUL [Comes down the stairs]: What's going on here?
COLUMBO: Good evening, Mr. . . Randolph, right?
PAUL: Lieutenant, my wife and I are about to leave for the
 airport. This had better be good.
COLUMBO: Oh the airport?Where you two headed?
DIANE [Angrily]: That's none of your business, Lieutenant.
 Now you better make this fast and get out of here.
COLUMBO: Well, I'm afraid this won't exactly be quick. Oh,
 by the way Miss Hunter, I wanted to tell you earlier today
 that I remembered that place where you said they sold that
 silk robe. I bought it yesterday and surprised my wife
 with it when I picked her up today. Boy did she love it.
I'll tell ya Miss Hunter, you've really got class.
DIANE: Lieutenant, I trust you didn't come all the way over
 here just so you could fish for compliments.
COLUMBO: Oh no, not at all. This is a matter of urgency.
 And I think you'd do me a favor if you'd come with me to
 your brother:in:law's house. There are some things there
 you should see. Ah, Mr.  Randolph you're welcome to come
 too.
DIANE: Lieutenant, I have no intention of having you waste
 my time when I have more important things to do.
PAUL [Sarcastically]: Lieutenant, unless you plan to arrest
 Diane or something else outlandish, I think we'll be
 wishing you good night.
COLUMBO: I'm afraid that's exactly it, sir.
[PAUL's mouth drop opens in shock. DIANE freezes]
PAUL: Lieutenant, that is a very sick joke.
COLUMBO: It's no joke sir. I::
DIANE: Lieutenant, I don't know what you've trumped up, but
 I suppose I might as well go over to Ray's house and see
 just what it is you've dragged from the gutter that would
 lead you to such an outrageous assumption.
PAUL [Puts his arm around her protectively]: Diane, you
 don't have to say a word.
DIANE: No, Paul, let's let the Lieutenant have his fun. You
 call Lloyd McCracken and tell him to be there.
PAUL: I will. [Goes over to phone.  DIANE is still staring
 coldly at COLUMBO]
DIANE: Well, Lieutenant, shall you lead the way?
COLUMBO: Of course.
 

 SCENE TWENTY-FOUR: Ray's living room. COLUMBO, DIANE and PAUL
 are there, with CLAY and two patrolmen standing outside the
 room.
 DIANE: Okay, Lieutenant, tell me what you found that says
I am a murderer?
 PAUL: Maybe we should wait for Lloyd.
 DIANE [Vigorously shakes her head]:  No Paul, let's get
this farce over with now. There'll be plenty of time
for Lloyd to file suit for false arrest.
 COLUMBO: Miss Hunter, I gotta' admit you had me going in
circles for a while. Even though there were a lot of
little things I didn't like, you know the kind of things
that made me realize your brother:in:law was a murderer,
but I still didn't want to let myself believe it. That
emotional story you told me at the cemetery was very
convincing. So convincing that I almost wanted to go
against my better instincts.
 DIANE: I meant every word of it, Lieutenant.
 COLUMBO: Oh I know you meant everything about how much your
sister meant to you, and all the things she did for you,
and how much you still loved your husband Mr.  Randolph.
I know you meant all of that. But that part about
forgiving Dr.  Flemming. That was a lie. A convincing
lie that threw me off for a while, but a lie.
 DIANE: Lieutenant, I wasn't here when Ray was killed.
 COLUMBO: Yes, you had a very convenient phone call with
Mr.  McCracken at the time Dr.  Flemming was supposedly
killed. Now that was the first little thing that
bothered me because the logical thing you should have
done after the TV interview was to call Dr.  Flemming, not
your lawyer. That's the kind of detail that no killer
can ever take into account, but it's the kind of thing
that always puts me onto one. Just like when Dr.
Flemming didn't call out to your sister.
 PAUL: Lieutenant, so far you've been doing a lot of
talking and you haven't showed us one damn thing.
 COLUMBO: Well we'll get to that. Now as you said
Miss Hunter, you weren't here at 12:11. But Dr.
Flemming wasn't killed at 12:11. As a matter of fact,
you strangled him at exactly 9:40.
 DIANE: Lieutenant, you are a fool. You admitted a long
time ago that your suspicion about the time element
was groundless. You found the missing remote control,
so you know that he did step on his watch.
 COLUMBO: That part's easy Miss Hunter. You planted a
replacement here, probably when you came over to get
a suit for Dr.  Flemming.
 DIANE: Can you prove that I did?
 COLUMBO: [Shakes his head] No, that part I can't prove.
 DIANE [Angrily]: Then you have absolutely nothing to
support your insipid theory!
 PAUL: Lieutenant, when are you going to stop this nonsense?
 COLUMBO: My proof came from somewhere else. It came from
someplace that I completely forgot to take into account.
That's the VCR.
 DIANE [Frowns. She doesn't understand what he means]: The
what?
 COLUMBO: The VCR.  [He goes over to the wooden cabinet that
the TV rests upon and opens the doors underneath] When
we found Dr.  Flemming, these doors were closed. It was
because of that, that we assumed that they had been
closed at the time he was killed. But of course, that
was a stupid assumption on our part, because if the
killer took the time to turn off the TV, then why not
take the time to close these doors too? As a matter of
fact, I'll bet it wasn't a conscious decision. These
things stick out pretty far and it's all too easy to just
bump your leg against it or something like that.
[An uneasy recollection suddenly comes over DIANE's face]
 PAUL: Lieutenant, what could you possibly learn from a VCR?
 COLUMBO [Looks at the machine]: I'll tell ya, it's amazing
ordinary a VCR is today. Twenty years ago they were such
a weird novelty, that I actually had a murderer who
staged a phony alibi by using his VCR to make it look
like he was at home at the same time he was out killing
his victim.
 DIANE [Looking unfazed]: Ward Fowler.
 COLUMBO: What's that?
 DIANE: Ward Fowler, the TV actor. That's the one you were
talking about, right, Lieutenant?
 COLUMBO [Impressed]: Yeah, that's right. I'm surprised
you'd know that.
 DIANE: I've actually taken the time to learn a lot about
some of your other famous cases, Lieutenant. You can
imagine my surprise when I discovered that every other
high:profile murder in Los Angeles over the last twenty:
five years has been solved by you.
 COLUMBO: I wouldn't say I've solved all of them, Miss.
 DIANE [Holding her ground, her voice dripping with
sarcasm]: Oh, but it is an impressive resume. Ken
Franklin the mystery writer, Dale Kingston the art
critic, Nora Chandler the actress, Nelson Hayward the
Senate candidate. And so many more solved by the
brilliant Lieutenant Columbo.
 COLUMBO: Nothin' special miss. Just part of any other
cop's routine job.
 DIANE: Ah yes, humble as always, just when you think you've
got your murderer cornered. But this time Lieutenant,
you've lost your touch, because I didn't kill Ray.
 COLUMBO [Smiles and shakes his head]: I'm afraid you did.
 PAUL [Visibly angry]: Then show your so:called proof,
Lieutenant!Show it now!
 DIANE [Unfazed]: I think I can guess where the Lieutenant
is headed. Ray's remote control:device is a universal
remote. I suppose he thinks that the one his men found
is fake, and to prove it, he'll try to show that it won't
work with the VCR.
 COLUMBO: No, Miss Hunter. I just told you, I can't
prove that you planted that remote. And I gotta'
give you credit for that. That was smart of you to
program the replacement so it would work with the VCR
as well as the TV. And that was also brilliant, the
way you got Dr.  Flemming's fingerprints on it from
the funeral home. You anticipated every loose end
I looked for in that remote and you succeeded in
putting me at a dead:end for a long time.
 DIANE: I wish I could thank you for the compliment,
Lieutenant.
 COLUMBO: But then when I was talking with Chaplain
Newton earlier today, I realized that there was one other
thing I'd overlooked. That was all the tapes.
 DIANE [Jolted]: The what?
 COLUMBO [Leans down and points to the row of tapes under
the machine]: See these tapes? Most of these are the
interviews Dr. Flemming's done over the last few years.
According to Chaplain Newton, he was a stickler for
wanting to have copies of these. Then it occurred to me
that if that were the case, then he would have naturally
wanted to have a tape of his interview with you on the
700 Club. He would have had it set up to tape that
interview.
 DIANE [Trying to maintain her composure]: What does that
have to do with anything?
 COLUMBO: Well it means that if Dr. Flemming was killed at
12:11, eleven minutes after the 700 Club ended, then that
interview should have been recorded on tape. And we did
find a tape in the machine, but the interview wasn't on
it.
 [DIANE suddenly breaks into a laugh.  For the first time,
an uneasy look comes over PAUL's face]
 DIANE: Lieutenant, are you getting senile in your
advancing years? That doesn't prove anything. Do
you remember your little concern about what channel
Ray was watching?
 COLUMBO: Yes, I remember.
 DIANE: Well, surely you haven't forgotten what I told
you about how Ray probably fell asleep before the
interview came on.
 COLUMBO: Yeah, I remember that. I told you you were
beautiful when you said that, because it explained
everything.
 DIANE: Well there's your answer again, Lieutenant. If
Ray fell asleep and missed the interview, then that
accounts for why the interview isn't on the tape.
 COLUMBO [Rubs his head and smiles]: Well that would
explain why the interview wasn't on the tape, but it
doesn't explain the thing that's already on the tape.
 DIANE [Clearly jolted]: The what?
 COLUMBO: Oh I forgot to mention that Dr. Flemming liked
to have more than just tapes of his interviews. You
know, these tapes are designed to hold up to six hours
of material and you can fit a lot of different things
on to them. [Picks up one from the shelf] Now take
this one. It has his interview on the Larry King show
with Chaplain Newton and yourself from three months ago.
And it also has "Baseball's Greatest Games: 1988 World
Series, Game 1. "
 DIANE [Looking tense]: So?
 COLUMBO:  Well that shows up on these other tapes too. In
addition to these interviews, Dr.  Flemming liked to have
tapes from this series on Sportschannel called
Baseball's Greatest Games. He liked to look at the
reruns of the classic games.
 PAUL [Exasperated]: Lieutenant, what has that got to do
with anything?
 COLUMBO: It has a lot to do with it, Mr.  Randolph. You
see, on the night of the murder, Sportschannel aired
another one of these games. Game 6 of the 1975 World
Series, where Carlton Fisk hit the big home run for the
Red Sox. And we already know from you, Miss Hunter, that
Dr.  Flemming had decided to watch that game, which ran from
nine to eleven, and when it was over, he was going to
switch to the 700 Club and watch the interview.
 [DIANE stares at him incredulously]
And here's where you made your mistake. You didn't
realize that in addition to watching these programs,
Dr.  Flemming was going to tape them as well. He was
using his remote device not to control the TV, but to
control the VCR.
 DIANE [Her jaw is growing clenched]: This still isn't
proving anything Lieutenant.  So you have a tape of
the game from that night.  That still doesn't mean
Ray didn't fall asleep just after I left, and while the
game was still being taped.
 COLUMBO: That would be true if we had the entire game
on tape miss, but we don't.
 DIANE: What?
 COLUMBO:  Let me show you what I mean.  [He aims the remote
at the VCR. It starts up and a picture of the game
comes on] Now this is near the beginning of the tape.
The first inning is ending and I want you to see what
happens. [Points] See that? There was suppose to be
a commercial, but it's been edited out. That's what
this remote device is for. When you get to a commercial
you hit pause, and when the program resumes you hit
pause again to start it up. That way when you watch the
tape again, you've got a commercial-free version.
But if you forget to start it up again, then the machine
shuts off after five minutes.
[DIANE continues to stare at the set]
Now let's speed it up through the next inning. You
see how it happens again?We compared this to all the
other tapes, and they're the same. Dr.  Flemming always
edited the commercials, without exception.
 DIANE [Shakes her head in amazement]: You're still
proving nothing.
 COLUMBO: I'm coming to that now, Miss Hunter. We're now
arriving at the end of the fifth inning. Since the
broadcast started at nine PM, then this is the point
on the tape when it would have been exactly 9:40. We
checked that detail out with the TV station.
[They watch. The picture suddenly goes off and there
 is nothing but snow] You see that?
 PAUL: I don't see anything.
 COLUMBO [Gravely]: That's right, Mr. Randolph. The tape
stops at this point. The rest of the game is not there.
At exactly 9:40, Dr. Flemming stopped recording the
game.  [Looks at DIANE] You were still here at 9:40,
Miss Hunter. We know that from the two joggers who saw
you leave the house at 9:50. Suppose you explain why
Dr.  Flemming decided to stop recording the game at
this point.
 DIANE [She is trembling visibly. She vigorously shakes
her head]: It was too dull.
 COLUMBO: Oh no, Miss Hunter. This game is a classic. It
ends with the big home run, remember? Why would Dr.
Flemming not want the finish of a game like that?
[A sick expression of horror suddenly comes over PAUL's
 face. DIANE is still shaking. ]
The reason it isn't there, Miss Hunter, is because at
9:40, just when Dr. Flemming hit the pause button,
you killed him. But you didn't realize he was taping
the game, and because of that you didn't start the
machine up again, which you could have done manually
even after Dr. Flemming stepped on the remote control.
If you had only done that, then you would have been
home free. But instead, you left this clue behind that
tells us exactly when your brother-in-law died. And
since you were the only person here, by your own
admission at 9:40, then that means you killed him.
[DIANE suddenly straightens herself. She seems calm and
 collected, as she first looks at PAUL who is stunned and
 filled with horror. Then she looks at COLUMBO, who is
 calmly staring back at her]
 PAUL [Anguished]: Diane, tell me this isn't true!
[DIANE turns to PAUL.  She gently places her hand on his
 shoulder and slowly shakes her head]
 DIANE: Forgive me, Paul. Forgive me for hurting you again.
[She lightly kisses him on the cheek and then turns back
 to COLUMBO]
 COLUMBO: Well, Miss Hunter?
 DIANE [Full of self-confidence]: Don't expect any remorse
from me. Not now or ever. What I did was administer
long-overdue justice to a man who should have died
twenty-five years ago.
 COLUMBO [Shaking his head]: Oh no, Miss Hunter. What
you did was cold-blooded ruthless murder. You lied,
you deceived, you manipulated, and you killed. You
wanted to avenge the death of your sister, and you
wound up doing the exact same thing that he did to her.
[Motions to CLAY and the policemen who come in to lead
 her out. As the policemen take hold of her arms,
 DIANE bemusedly shakes her head at COLUMBO and smiles]
 DIANE: Ray was right about you, Lieutenant.  You are a
sly little elf.
 [CLAY and the policemen lead her out.  COLUMBO glances
at her with a large measure of sadness as the END
TITLES come up]

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